


会者定離 (from start to end and again)

by blankcamellia



Series: 会者定離 [1]
Category: SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hokuto Is Suffering, Light Angst, M/M, Moving In Together, THERE BE PORN, linear timeline, they're stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:22:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24553831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blankcamellia/pseuds/blankcamellia
Summary: Taiga and Hokuto move in together, the year ahead looking promising, new album, tour, and simply being together.
Relationships: Kyomoto Taiga/Matsumura Hokuto
Series: 会者定離 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1792204
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44





	1. January

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chocolatecrack](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatecrack/gifts).



> ....HI. I present you a fic I've been working on ever since 26th December when I was on the plane to Japan. It wasn't supposed to be this long... but things happened, and now we're here. I love KyomoHokku and this is my way to contribute to the crumbs we're actively eating. I might be waaaaay too invested in this fic by now and I already have attachment issues with it HAHA
> 
> I wanna give a shoutout to @chocolatecrack, @stormy1990, @BaneKicksDavid, @oreranoneiro, and YAT-TUS for supporting me in this massive journey!! 8D  
> Now it's ... maybe done? XD we'll see... :3
> 
> Also, here's a link to their apartment (rough idea) : [HERE ](https://app.box.com/s/o3zx5p3s91n66mixd24zopdjiefr7yqg)

"Do you want two black mugs, two pink mugs, or the whole set of rainbow colors?"

"I told you, whatever is fine," Taiga sighs and cracks his neck as Hokuto holds up the black and pink mugs in front of him. It's cute how Hokuto keeps including their member colors whenever he can but he really does not care which color their mugs are.

"Then, one of each," Hokuto places one black and one pink mug into their basket before strolling off to the next item on their list. Like Taiga's sour mood doesn't affect him at all. 

Taiga looks at Hokuto's back and wonders how they ended up like this. A year ago, they wouldn't have thought of this at all. Would have scoffed at the thought. Now, they're moving in together. 

It's a barely new apartment, a bit run down at a few spots, but everything works and it's theirs. Only theirs. 

"Get the bed covers too otherwise Shin or Jesse will ruin the bed the moment they step into the bedroom," he says as Hokuto drops two blankets into their basket too. 

"Gotcha," 

When they stand in line to pay, Taiga fishes out his wallet but Hokuto stops him before he can take his card out. 

"I'll pay," he says with a small smile and flashes his card. "It's mostly stuff I want anyway."

"But-" Taiga doesn't get to finish his sentence as Hokuto puts a finger on his lips, effectively shutting him up. 

"No buts Tai," Then he smiles that smile Taiga can't resist and he knows it's hopeless to convince Hokuto otherwise. He ruffles Taiga's hair before turning around to pay, missing the small pout appearing on his face.

Taiga knows Hokuto knows the exact balance of his bank account and even if they both work quite a lot, Taiga will always have the upper hand. Although he knows Hokuto doesn't like it when he brings it up, he can't but help thinking that it should be him paying at times like this. 

It does help to lighten his sour mood though, taking his mind off things. Hokuto's just great like that.

Hokuto has to rush to work after they're done shopping and have dropped off the new stuff at the apartment, which leaves Taiga all alone. 

He slowly packs up all of their newly bought things, taking his time to place them carefully where they won't get destroyed. Hokuto knows where the right place for everything is and Taiga doesn't want to disturb Hokuto's sense of organization. 

When he picks up the mugs and places them in the cupboard, he thinks they look kind of nice. One pastel pink mug and one jet-black mug. Side by side. 

He keeps staring at them, thinking about how amazing Hokuto is, how he puts up with his sour moods like it's nothing. One smile and everything is fine again. 

He doesn't even remember why he was in a sour mood earlier. 

* * *

Hokuto stands in the packed hallway, looking at the amount of boxes filled with stuff from his old apartment and he wondered if he really needed everything. Then again, he’d have time later (he hoped) to sort it through. 

He cracks his neck and shoulders when Taiga walks in behind him, carrying another box. 

“Do you want to take a break?” He slips through Hokuto and the boxes to put down his own outside the bedroom. Surprisingly, Taiga didn’t bring much of his own things to the new apartment. 

“I’m fine,” Hokuto sighs. “It’s been a long day with filming and all, then this.”

“I can give you a massage later?” Taiga asks, looking up at Hokuto as he’s crouching down, trying to figure out the contents in the box. Hokuto’s heart skips a beat at the sight and the realization that they’re going to move in together is hitting him hard. 

“Yeah, sure,” He responds, not quite knowing what else to say because Taiga smiles at him as if he just gave him the best Christmas gift ever. He still doesn’t quite know how to handle the output of his feelings around Taiga.

Getting massage later in bed was definitely a good idea however, as he melts under Taiga’s touch, all the pressure and tiredness disappearing the moment Taiga drags his fingers over his skin. He feels Taiga work the knots out of his muscles and mind and it doesn’t take long until he’s a drowsy mess, almost falling asleep. He’s glad that they decided to bring in the bed early. 

The apartment is still messy, unopened boxes, half-unpacked boxes and they don’t even know which box contains what anymore but it doesn’t really matter. It’s going to be their place and they have a lot of time to catch up and make sure everything is just the way they want it. They suspect the apartment might get slightly trashed after their moving in party but that’s a low price to pay. At least they have the bed. 

Exhaustion crashes over him the more Taiga is touching him, making him think back on the past weeks with all the moving planning, work, and Taiga. So much has happened in the past weeks that he can’t even comprehend and then there’s Taiga. Taiga who he never thought would do this, never thought would spend more than a workday with him, never thought would willingly sleep beside him at night, give him a massage, least of all, spend his time with him. It’s still a lot to take in but he doesn’t want to complain or ask. He’s just happy Taiga is here, that they’re here because of Taiga’s decisions.

There's a lot of things he shouldn’t be doing but none of them matters right now because all he wants is to feel Taiga closer to him. 

“Come here,” he mutters when Taiga stops moving his hands on him, blindly searching for the other when he moves away. 

He finds the hem of Taiga’s shirt, grips it, and pulls at it until he feels Taiga flop down beside him. Somehow, in his sleepy state, he manages to pull the blankets over both of them, Taiga pulled close into his embrace. 

Sleep takes over them soon, and they lay there in tangled limbs, until Taiga jerks in his sleep, waking Hokuto, and before he knows it, Taiga is gasping after air, clenching the bed sheets with his hand in his sleep. Hokuto rolls him over gently, afraid to scare him if he wakes up suddenly, checking if there are any physical wounds. 

He looks at Taiga in the dark, eyes not quite adjusted yet, but he can see how Taiga’s face is scrunched up in pain, and worry shoots through his body. He doesn’t know what to do, what to say, so he does what his heart tells him to, follows his body, and pulls Taiga into a warm embrace, burying his face between Taiga’s shoulder and neck, whispering comforting words. If Taiga can hear them or not, he doesn’t know, but it does something, as Taiga’s body seems to relax with every word, his breathing evens out, and he’s soon calm enough in Hokuto’s embrace that he dares to pull back enough to look at him. 

When Taiga comes to it, he blinks, looks at Hokuto as if he’s a ghost, pale and visibly exhausted, and Hokuto knows it’s not only from lack of sleep lately. Taiga draws a breath before he throws his arms around Hokuto, clings onto him as if he’s afraid he’s not real. He comforts Taiga by rubbing his hand over his back, gentle, circular motions. 

It’s not the first time Taiga’s had nightmares, but it’s the first time he’s been this upset afterward, and Hokuto doesn’t have the heart to ask him about it. Taiga will talk about them when he’s ready. He knows it’s enough to just hold him for now. 

“You left,” Taiga whispers when they lay back down, blankets covering them from the chilly night air, a comforting feeling in the middle of the night.

Hokuto doesn’t know what to reply, not knowing what’s appropriate, so he just pulls Taiga closer, pressing a kiss to his forehead. It seems to do the trick for now as Taiga relaxes, curling up even closer to Hokuto than before.

They don’t exchange any more words before falling back asleep, moving boxes and the mess left untouched for the rest of the night, making the apartment look less like a home, but with Taiga in his arms, Hokuto feels like home. 


	2. February

Moving in takes a toll on them both, trying to do as much as they can on their days off from work, not wanting to let their families or friends do their job while they're at work, but in the end, they don't have a say in it as everyone almost throws them out of their own apartment. 

"You deserve some time alone together," Juri says with a crooked smile as he pushes them both out of the door. The door closes and locks in their faces before they can even say anything back. They hope the others won't burn the apartment down.

With Juri’s words in mind, they take a stroll down the streets around the apartment, both silent and not quite knowing what to say. Not that they mind it because the silence is comfortable and welcomed between them, as they don’t need to exchange any words to understand each other. 

They’ve come a long way, their old fights and arguments mere memories stuffed inside an old shoebox, and a small weight is lifted off their shoulders as they let their group mates handle their apartment for a while.

To Taiga, it feels like they’re back to being hormonal teenagers again because he feels this heart clench with the familiar ache, the one he associates with missing Hokuto. It’s weird because Hokuto is right beside him, walking beside him, and being there with him right now. At the same time, he feels like he’s not. That Hokuto is still out of reach. He knows he’s not. He wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t. He promised. 

Still, there’s a small seed of doubt growing inside Taiga and he doesn’t know what to do with it. He trusts Hokuto with his life but he still feels like they’re already miles apart.

He wants to reach out and hold his hand, feel Hokuto’s hand around his own, fit perfectly as their hands as almost the same size, but feel that slight hint of warmth that belongs to Hokuto only. The warmth no one else has that makes him feel like sitting in front of a fireplace in the winter waiting for Christmas to come. 

He just wants to hold Hokuto’s hand. 

“Hey,” he says, stopping in his tracks and makes Hokuto look back at him, hair blowing in his face with the wind and the way he looks at him with a smile makes Taiga weak in his knees. 

It’s gentle, like a spring breeze in the morning, like newly washed laundry and pine trees after a rain shower. He wants to embrace that feeling, hold it close to his heart, and never forget it, treasure it.

He holds out his hand, shamelessly and selfishly, to Hokuto to hold it, not saying a word as he notices how he trembles slightly. He doesn’t want to ask for it but he also knows he won’t get anything if he doesn’t ask for it. There’s also the small chance of Hokuto not holding his hand. 

Then, when Hokuto takes his hand, holding it so naturally like they’re meant to do this, memories of awkward hand-holding flashing by but soon forgotten, it feels like he’s back onshore from the stormy sea. 

Everything is alright again. 

Hokuto smiles at him as he tugs at his hand, bringing it up to his lips, kissing it softly before getting him to walk beside him again and it all feels right. Like two pieces of a puzzle finding their match. 

They walk along the streets, surprisingly empty for an evening in February, and by the time they arrive back to their apartment, the sun has set and it’s illuminating the streets with warm light, their shadows growing with each second, slowly turning into one shadow instead of two. 

Their hands separate when they walk through the door, the scent of newly cooked food making their stomachs cry, and Taiga whispers a small thank you to Juri when the latter smiles knowingly at them when they sit down by the table. 

When the air is filled with warm laughter and loud noises, he truly believes that this is home, no matter how the environment looks like. 

* * *

Despite their worries and chaotic group mates, soon enough, the apartment starts to look like an apartment and they throw a welcoming party at the end of February and this time it almost causes a fire in the kitchen. 

Jesse, Shintarou, and Juri thought it was a good idea to toast marshmallows on the stove and despite Taiga's weak protests, they promptly ignored it and went ahead.

“Oh shit,”

“I told you guys it was not a good idea!” Taiga wails from the bathroom as he tries to find a bucket to fill with water to put out the mess. At the same time, he sends a distressed, urgent message to Hokuto, begging him to come home quickly and save the situation.

It doesn’t take long until Hokuto and Kouchi come stumbling into the apartment, barely getting their coats off before saving the day. Half of the coming hour has Kouchi scolding the three who made a mess, leaving Taiga to follow Hokuto to the bedroom.

Hokuto barely manages to change into a clean T-shirt before Taiga walks up to him and wraps his arms around him. The taller pats his head gently, ruffling the hair slightly as he tries to adjust his shirt into a comfortable fit. How he survived without Hokuto before is a mystery, and barely two months into living together, it feels like he’s never going to be able to live without Hokuto. 

The mere presence of Hokuto calms him down and his walls tumble down. 

He knows he’s been selfish lately, seeking out Hokuto more than he should, despite knowing that Hokuto won’t complain or say no, but there’s always the little voice in his head telling him that he should leave Hokuto alone, to let him initiate. 

But he’s come to a point where he can’t help himself. Without Hokuto, he’s just empty. He’s afraid Hokuto will leave him if he lets go. 

He lets him go when he hears the others apologizing to Kouchi and they both head out together. In the end, they all order pizza instead and everything is fine and they have a good time together. 

After closing the door after Juri leaves, the last of them to go, Hokuto turns around and smiles tiredly at Taiga.

"That was exciting," 

"Sorry I couldn't stop them earlier," Taiga apologies. 

"It's alright, I kind of expected a worse disaster when you messaged me " _ oh no"  _ earlier," Hokuto chuckles and reaches out to caress Taiga's cheek, making him twitch his eye in surprise at the overly fond gesture. "What would you do without me?"

The hand disappears before Taiga can appreciate it enough or even reciprocate. He frowns when Hokuto walks away from him. 

What would he do really? He asks himself that too before shuffling after Hokuto, hand soon finding the back of Hokuto’s shirt, holding onto it as they share the space in their bathroom to brush their teeth and wash their faces.

When Taiga hands Hokuto his face towel, he’s not prepared for the intense gaze he gets when Hokuto opens his eyes and meets his after drying his face. 

They stare at each other in silence for a moment. 

_ Don’t go. _


	3. March

They announce a new national tour and an album, even bigger than the previous one and excitement run through them, just like always. 

Somehow, it feels different this time. 

They all get busy preparing for the tour, TV appearances, and promote the album as their lives depend on it. The adrenaline of new work, new appearances, and lots of planning and rehearsals late into the nights get them going as if they were debuting all over again. It’s a feeling none of them ever gets tired of.

Shuffling through all their workload is a great way to get distracted from reality, and Taiga welcomes it. Finding solace in the way their days gets turned around, faces tired of smiling all the time, but the tremendous happiness smoldering inside them is worth it all. 

Just like usual. 

One night when Taiga arrives back from a late-night rehearsal, he finds Hokuto standing on their balcony. 

His breath gets caught in his throat as he takes in Hokuto's form. Hokuto just stands there, hair slightly damp from his shower, covering his eyes, sporting a ridiculous color combination of clothes even at home, the wind not bothering him at all, the lights from inside casting shadows on him, and Taiga can't help but stare before crossing the apartment in quick steps. 

He wraps his arms tight around Hokuto and the other jumps slightly, letting out a small yelp at the sudden touch but relaxes as soon as he notices it's Taiga. 

"Good job today," Hokuto whispers as he lifts one hand up to ruffle Taiga's hair. He smiles sweetly, happy the other is back home. 

Taiga doesn't reply and just burrows his face deeper into Hokuto's back. 

Something tells him to not let go. 

All day, he’s been anxious out of nowhere, putting himself into a constant state of worry for no reason at all, and not even Kouchi’s calming presence had helped. He had been aimlessly wandering around the agency, trying to distract himself with new compositions in his head but it had not helped. He didn’t know why, not at all, and it had felt like he had been walking in the dark all day. It could have been the usual anxious entertainment bug that got him, even if he feels like he should be able to manage it by now, but he also knew that it wasn’t the case.

Hokuto hadn’t been around today. 

Taiga had always been able to manage things on his own, emphasis on  _ his own _ , but today, he had suddenly felt lost. He suspects his anxiousness was caused by this - by the feeling of being lost without Hokuto. It was never supposed to get this far, never supposed to get this attached but he knows he can’t help himself falling even deeper for the other. He was already drowning deep in the figuratively black ocean with bright, shimmering stars scattered all around. It always felt like he was swimming but he realizes he could always have been flying. Always falling, same scenery all around him and seemingly no surface to land on. Yet there was always something grounding him, holding him steady and making sure he never actually got lost. A guiding light. 

The moment he saw Hokuto, his worries instantly disappeared and he knew the source of his worries. 

Hokuto turns around in Taiga's embrace and hugs him back before picking him up. 

"You're like a big baby sometimes, you know that?" He chuckles as he lets Taiga cling to him. It’s unusual for Taiga to initiate contact, he usually asks for it, letting Hokuto decide if it’s okay, like this but he finds himself not minding it, just slightly surprised.

_ Don't let (me) go.  _

He clings onto Hokuto as he carries him through the apartment to their bedroom. He knows he shouldn’t be greedy. He  _ knows. _ There’s just something that tells him otherwise. Hokuto has been the best, he couldn’t ask for more really. There’s nothing he’d change yet he craves for more.

He drops them both onto their shared bed and leans in to press a soft kiss onto Taiga's forehead. Taiga knows what’s coming next and he loves it. Hokuto rarely does it so when he does, Taiga basks in it like it’s the last time he’ll ever hear it.

Hokuto showers him with genuine, soft praise and words of encouragement as he holds him close, and while they all sink into him like the earth absorbs water under the scorching sun, it doesn't feel enough. He wants so much more. 

As if Hokuto could read his mind, he stops talking, pulls Taiga even closer and just holds him. 

Hokuto has realized how natural it is to be with Taiga. It’s nothing compared to how they were before, how they acted before, and he guess they both grew up a bit, he even voiced that opinion out loud to Taiga once when they were watching the night sky together after work.

Taiga remembers it as a fond memory and he holds it’s very dear because it’s proof that Hokuto is staying true to his words, he’s not forcing himself to be with Taiga, and that his affection is genuine.

When they first got together, he wouldn’t have thought it’d feel like this, so plain, so perfect and so right. He’d have imagined them being awkward around each other because going from friends to lovers is a change, no matter how much you know about each other - which in their case, is not a lot but everything at the same time. 

He didn’t imagine it to be this good. 

The way Hokuto has slowly started to shower him with undivided affection, care and attention makes his heart beat faster, as if he’s experiencing his first love all over again. He never expected Hokuto, or demanded, to love him back the same. He’s always been content with the small things in life but always dreamed about the big ones. The mere fact that Hokuto accepted him, and is slowly giving him more and more, makes him hope that they’ll turn out fine, makes him believe that Hokuto won’t leave him.

He’ll turn even more spoiled if Hokuto keeps this up because he won’t be able to stop himself if Hokuto gives him more of himself. He’ll be clinging onto fragments of Hokuto soon.

They should change into sleepwear but neither of them can be bothered right now. 

Hokuto kisses his face softly, featherlight kisses on his skin that almost tickles and it makes him want to whine because it feels so good. It’s comforting and secure at the same time. Their noses brush against each other and he can smell the shampoo Hokuto used, a mix of coconut and mimosa flowers, and the act is so intimate, so touching, that he thinks he’ll leave everything to just be with Hokuto. 

He doesn’t need a lot, all he needs is Hokuto, but he won’t say it out loud. Not now.

_ There's always later.  _


	4. April

The album is another hit on the charts and among the fans, topping the charts and creating a storm among the press again. It feels like they're back to their newly debuted days, working all day with promotions and interviews. 

They get offers for different shows lined up one after another and they try to cram in as much as they possibly can without exhausting themselves. This chance won't come twice after all. Individual projects pile up as well and they find themselves busier than ever before. 

Hokuto comes home late after a drama shooting, head heavy, stomach empty and limbs ready to give up any minute, and is greeted by the absence of Taiga's small suitcase in the hallway and panic wells up inside. 

"Taiga…?" He hesitantly asks into the apartment, asking again, a bit louder when he doesn't get a reply. He wasn't supposed to leave yet. His heart starts to race, vision turning into hyper-focus.

He throws off his shoes and coat before scrambling to the bathroom, a water drop from the sink catching his attention, checking if the other is there but there is no one making a mess there. There’s still a pair of toothbrushes there, faint specks of dirt on the mirror, traces of someone who tries to clean it up, probably used not too long ago, but there’s no person there. There’s no blond hair, no high tone of humming to songs he never heard before, no blinding smile or sweet voice telling him “welcome home”. 

There’s no Taiga in the bathroom.

The living room is also empty, a lukewarm mug of tea sitting on the table, music sheets scattered around the floor and Taiga's guitar is still on its stand, but there’s no strumming on the guitar, no chords filling the air along with words laced with heartfelt emotions, no frustrated groans as he fails to play a stanza. 

There’s no Taiga in the living room.

Hokuto almost kicks the door open to the bedroom, eyes frantically searching for the familiar sight of Taiga's hair, body twitching in anxiousness as the bedroom is another miss. The covers are neat and undisturbed, except for the mess of clothes on top of it. There are other clothes thrown around in there too as if the owner had been in a rush, and Hokuto feels his heart in his throat, ready to leave him empty. He stands still for a moment, trying to collect himself, telling himself that it’s nothing. Taiga is just out. He’s still here. He’s not gone. He wouldn’t leave without telling him.

Then he feels a draft of air, turning around, noticing how the balcony door is slightly ajar and he's there within seconds. 

He pulls it open, almost falling out, and there he is. 

_ Taiga.  _

A wave of relief washes over him as he watches Taiga curled up in the corner of the balcony, covered in newly washed and dry bed sheets, sleeping. His suitcase nearby half-packed, tickets to Osaka peeking out in-between clothes.

Hokuto crawls over, on all fours, glad they bought an external heater for the balcony, or he'd be more worried about the other's health. 

His heartbeat is slowly calming down, finally seeing everything clear again, now that he knows where Taiga is. He was scared he’d lost him.

He can see the tired lines on Taiga's face, knowing exactly how much he works to perfect whatever he got on his mind. He wishes he could lessen his burden a bit. Wishes he could do something more than just be by his side. He knows Taiga doesn’t want him to do more than that, but Taiga deserves so much more.

Leaning in, Hokuto kisses Taiga on the lips as gently as he can, not to wake the other up, wanting to bask in the sight of Taiga’s serene face a little longer. Taiga barely stirs at the touch but unconsciously makes an adorable, scrunched up face. 

A smile dances over his lips and he wishes for this to stay forever. 

Hokuto crouches beside Taiga for a while, just watching him sleep. Watching how the lights from the apartment make it as if there's nothing else but them in the world, how the fairy lights on the balcony look like stars scattered around them and how time seems to stop. 

He wishes time would stop. It would give him time to dedicate to Taiga, to give him what he wants and deserve. To give him undivided attention. Dedicate his whole being to Taiga and Taiga’s happiness. 

The moment Taiga slowly wakes up is like watching the Sleeping Beauty wake up. It's somewhat ethereal and fascinating at the same time and Hokuto wishes he could burn this sight into his retinas forever, so he’ll never forget about Taiga. 

Never before has he felt the need to protect someone as strongly as Taiga makes him feel. The need to protect him no matter what, even if it’s from himself. He smiles at Taiga, a mix between frustration and happiness slipping through his facade, but he knows Taiga doesn’t notice it. He doesn’t want Taiga to worry. It’s his own problem after all.

"Hokku…?" He mumbles sleepily and he only gets a soft agreement before Hokuto wraps his arms around him, burying his face into Taiga's neck. 

He can feel the slight coldness on Taiga’s skin, wondering how long he’s been out here, the slight scent of the night air in his hair smelling so comforting, and he can imagine how tired he must have been to doze off like this. They’ve all been working so hard lately, Taiga even more than the others, and Hokuto can’t help but feel so proud. 

His heart swells at the thought of Taiga standing on the stage in Osaka, singing to his heart’s content, showing off all those skills he’s accumulated, and shining brighter than anyone in the stage play, like the true star he is. There are no words enough to express how it makes him feel to imagine it because he knows Taiga enjoys it and wants to get better and better at it. 

It’s why he feels so protective because he wants Taiga to have somewhere to come back to, somewhere to land, anchor himself, and just relax, hide from the world for a bit. He wants to be that place for Taiga. Be the one he comes home to, the one he turns to when he’s worried, sad, confused and angry, the one who he shares his happiness, awards, ideas, excitement and opinions with, and the one he misses when they’re apart. 

He just doesn’t know how to voice it properly.

"Let's stay like this," Hokuto says, voice low as a whisper, not even sure if Taiga hears him, as he exhales and slumps against Taiga who just nods sleepily and shuffles closer. 

_ Forever _ is left out.


	5. May

They're in the middle of their tour when Hokuto accidentally sprains his ankle after landing wrongly after a jump. 

He manages to hide it until Juri's solo after the MC, where he'll get a few minutes of rest before they got to be out on stage again. After Juri, it's Jesse's turn and it'll give him about six minutes of rest. It's enough for him to be corned by Taiga and facing a very upset version of him.

"Are you hurt?" Taiga's voice is laced with worry - if it's personal worry or performance worry, Hokuto doesn't quite know yet but he shrugs nonetheless.

"I'm fine, it's nothing-"

"Don't tell me it's nothing, I saw how you were leaning on your right foot earlier during the MC and how you had trouble getting down here properly. Don't lie to me." 

Hokuto almost winces at Taiga's sharp tone but knows the older is right. It kind of hurts a bit. 

"Well-" he begins but gets interrupted when Taiga glares at him. 

He shuts his mouth and just nods. Taiga knows best. Sometimes he surrenders and gives up on being stubborn. They also don't have time for silly arguments. Sometimes he just loves how right Taiga is.

Taiga crouches beside him, a hand reaching out to brush away sweat-drenched bangs from Hokuto's face, and the gesture is so gentle and so natural that Hokuto wants to cry. There’s so much he feels right now, so much he wants to say. 

"I-" He starts but Taiga puts one, elegant finger on his lips and effectively shushes him. 

"You promised me, remember?" 

Hokuto nods. Taiga smiles. Of course he remembers. 

When they arrive back at the hotel room, Taiga almost manhandles Hokuto onto the bed the moment he gets the taller out of his outerwear and can take a closer and better look at Hokuto’s ankle. 

He sighs but it’s more out of relief than irritation now, because the swelling has gone down. Hokuto argues jokingly that he was right but Taiga slaps his other ankle in response.

Taiga pushes Hokuto down on the bed, telling him to relax. 

“It’s okay, isn’t it?” He asks, just in case, because he knows Hokuto won’t mind, but he wants to be sure. Hokuto nods and lets himself sprawl all over the bed. He lets Taiga inspect his ankle, hissing just slightly when it stings a little, the sprain obviously still there but nothing is broken and it should be okay with just rest. No jumping tomorrow for him, he guesses. 

True to his words, Taiga tells him exactly the same, stern look on his face and threatens to cling onto him tomorrow to prevent it if he has to. Normally, he wouldn’t mind that, the thought of it very welcoming but the fans still think they’re being simply friends. Majority of the fans at least. There’s still Juri’s favorite faction of fans who probably love seeing them together more than Juri does. 

“Aren’t you going to help me undress too?” He asks as he sees Taiga disappear into the bathroom from the corner of his eye. Asking it out of curiosity, wondering how far Taiga is willing to spoil him tonight.

“You have a sprained ankle, not broken arms,” Taiga deadpans from the bathroom, and he hears the tap running, imagining Taiga getting ready to wash his hands and face. The mere image of it almost makes Hokuto roll out of bed and join Taiga, only so he can see it up close when Taiga opens his eyes, bright and promising. “Or did you hurt your head when you fell too?”

“It only hurt when I fell for you,” he replies automatically, his brain not quite working the way he wants, his cheesy line way out of character between them, but it’s not exactly a lie. It did hurt when he fell for Taiga, maybe not physically, but mentally because Taiga has always been out of reach for him until he suddenly wasn’t. 

When they first had tested waters, they were young and stupid, like everyone else and it didn’t hold much importance (or so they thought), other than it being convenient means to get frustration and needs out of the way. Their attraction to each other always winning over the sensible part called feelings, and of course, they drifted apart, miscommunicating like two fools, and missing out on so many good things that could have been. 

He hadn’t known back then what love was, was way too ignorant, too naive, and too much of a realist. He still is but now he knows himself a lot better. Now he knows that if he falls even an inch more, he’ll get trapped. He’ll get blinded, and he’ll root himself down so deep, he won’t even see the edge of the hole anymore. That’s why he’s so scared, even if he only wants to let these feelings loose. But he loves so hard and so strong. He knows that and he doesn’t want to burden Taiga with that. Not yet.

Without a doubt, he wants to love Taiga back, he does, but he doesn’t want to be a burden.

Taiga gets silent in the bathroom, turning the tap off and Hokuto imagines the slight red flush creeping up on Taiga’s pale skin from embarrassment. That image is what gets him going, rolling off the bed, careful to not put too much weight on his bad ankle.

He sees Taiga drying his face when he steps inside, but Taiga’s face is completely dry so Hokuto knows it’s just a means to hide the way he’s too flustered about what Hokuto just said. 

He chuckles as he takes off his shirt, hanging it on the nearby hanger before starting his night routine, doing it unnecessary slower than usual, only because he knows Taiga is looking. Also because he knows Taiga likes to watch him being half-naked, water running down his skin like spring rain in the night. When he finishes, Taiga is brushing his teeth, slowly while observing Hokuto at the same time. 

Hokuto picks his own toothbrush up and leans onto Taiga as he cleans his mouth. He can feel Taiga’s body temperature through the older’s shirt, slightly colder than his own, but the cold is welcomed, a nice contrast to his warmer body. Arm sneaking around Taiga’s waist, pulling him closer for more contact as he brushes away all of today’s bad thoughts.

They brush their teeth in silence for a while, getting lost in the moment with each other, and Hokuto takes the toothbrush out of Taiga’s hand when he notices the toothpaste escaping his mouth like drool. He picks up one towel and wipes Taiga’s mouth, earning a pout ( _ “I’m not a kid!” _ ), but after cleaning their toothbrushes and Taiga up, he leans in to kiss the pout away. 

It soon turns into slower and deeper kisses, Taiga pushing Hokuto against the sink, pressing himself closer and closer, and before either of them know it, they’re back on the bed, limbs tangling together and the taste of toothpaste lingering.

Neither of them forgets about Hokuto’s ankle, but it’s not as if he’s going to use it anyway.


	6. June

It's his birthday soon and he's never been one for big celebrations and it's not like he's had a lot of friends to celebrate it with either.

Not until he got thrown into this group of idiots.

His perfect group of idiots.

There's no escaping it, not when three out of six members have their birthdays the same month, and Juri is all about throwing the biggest and baddest party ever. He guesses he’ll let the craziness go this time. Only this time.

They rent a place to hold the party and they have a good time together, even enjoying the loudness that is Jesse and Shintarou.

The alcohol helps him loosen up a bit, letting him forget the reality as they start to dance to some King & Prince songs someone put in. All of their bodies letting their trained moves out and letting instinct take over. 

Someone plays a slow song and Hokuto can’t help but search out Taiga, finding him by Kouchi, chatting, and having a nice time. He tugs at his boyfriend’s sleeve, getting his attention and Kouchi leaves them silently when he notices how their eyes meet and they’re gone in their own world. 

“May I have this dance?” He asks and Taiga smiles at him, nods shyly as if he didn’t expect Hokuto to come and find him and ask.

He slides his hand around Taiga’s waist, holding him steady as they start to sway to the music. 

It’s when he realizes the small height difference between them, how the slight difference feels so large right now but not wrong. It’s always been a perfect distance between them, enough for him to easily lean down and press a tender kiss to the lips he’s been claiming as his own lately. 

His mind swims as they dance, the melody guiding them unconsciously, years of experience with dancing taking over, their feet matching the rhythm without missing a beat, even if this kind of dancing is not their usual routine. 

Their eyes meet and Hokuto feels like he could drown in Taiga’s eyes, a sea of brown and holding so much light. He can see himself reflected in Taiga’s eyes, despite the dim lights around them, and a calm washes over him as they take step after step, their surroundings slowly disappearing into a vast, sunset-colored landscape only for them. He’s aware of Taiga's every move, every fiber of his being is alert and alive, yet he lets his body submit fully to Taiga's lead. His ears pick up the light hum spilling from Taiga's lips, the low, husky tone he’s grown accustomed to listening to at home, the same voice that whispers 'good night' every night. Back in his mind, he knows they’re still at the party, between four, grey concrete walls, hidden from the public, drinks, and food scattered everywhere, their friends and bandmates bustling around doing their own business, but for now, he wants to stay in this unreality - where it’s just the two of them. Soft, fluttering wings breaking the silence as imaginary birds pass by, leaves cracking in the wind, and the sand crunching below as they keep dancing slowly. 

He is brought back to reality when the song ends and Taiga lifts his hands to cup his face, leaning in to kiss him. Slowly at first, taking his breath away, almost leaving him at a loss of what to do, then Taiga kisses his deeper and harder. 

His body takes over, responding to Taiga with the same vigor, hands gripping at Taiga’s clothes for something to hold on to. Taiga usually doesn’t initiate the kisses, always letting Hokuto lead, and the way Taiga is letting all that desperation out in his kisses makes Hokuto feel slightly bad but he doesn’t say anything, only responding in ways he knows Taiga understands perfectly.

He doesn’t know for how long they stand there, stealing each other’s breaths away, but he knows that they can’t stay here, not when they’re the only thing they see and need. Their bodies start to react as well, itching to feel more of each other. They need closed doors, private walls, silent air, and only each other. 

They nod at each other, sharing another heated kiss before they collect their stuff to leave the party. It’s not even late but they know they’re not the first ones to leave, some still have work the morning after and nobody is blaming them. Hokuto lets Juri take care of the gifts they’ve received, trusting the other to deliver them safely in the afternoon the day after. 

The taxi ride back to their home is surprisingly fast, sitting uncomfortably on a safe distance from each other the whole ride and they both can feel the pull. The urge to just touch each other, feel how the other reacts, hear the sounds they make when they let their hands wander, and melt into kisses.

"How drunk are you?" He breathes out, his face flushed already, both from alcohol and arousal. Hands never leaving Taiga’s body as they stumble into their bedroom, not bothering to close the door. If they’re doing this, he doesn’t want to forget it, not that he’d ever been able to forget anything concerning Taiga. He’s slightly tipsy himself but not enough to lose himself. He wonders about Taiga though as he works the buttons on his own shirt open.

"You know I don't drink when we have shows going on." Taiga blows his hair out of his face after discarding his own shirt on the floor. Hokuto knows that, of course, but he had to ask anyway.

He grabs Hokuto by the neck, pulling him into another heated, deep kiss as he leans back onto the mattress, bringing Hokuto with him, forcing him on top. 

Hokuto leans on his elbows as he responds to Taiga’s kisses, tongues fighting for dominance as Taiga tries to get Hokuto closer.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows they shouldn’t be doing this - he’ll get too attached but he can’t stop. He wants this so badly.

It’s been too long since he kissed someone like this, all passion and need, feelings all over the place, and reason are thrown out of the window. All the reasons why he shouldn’t and why he should linger in the back of his mind but the taste of Taiga makes it all disappear. 

He’s known all the time how much Taiga has wanted this, longed for this, craved this, but he promised him. He promised he wouldn’t commit to something he wasn’t sure of. 

Now, he’s never been more sure in his whole life. 

He wants Taiga and he wants all of Taiga.

Maybe he’s always known it, maybe he’s always wanted him but been too afraid to admit it to himself. Too afraid to fall down the rabbit hole and chase Taiga. He doesn’t even have to chase Taiga because the older has always been there waiting for him, patiently waiting for him, never knowing if he’ll appear. 

Until now. 

Now he’s slowly slipping away, gradually fading and it takes Hokuto everything to grasp just a glimpse of it. Hanging onto a thin thread that is left of Taiga, hoping that he’ll be able to pull him back somehow, but afraid he’ll pull too hard and it’ll break and Taiga will be gone. 

The feeling of Taiga beneath him, pressed between him and the mattress, is unreal, too close for comfort, too close to be true, even if they spend every night beside each other. It’s something different than sleeping beside each other, cuddling with each other, or just embracing each other. It feels so much intimate than it actually is. 

Grabbing at each other’s clothes already, wanting the pieces of clothing gone, needing to feel skin against skin. 

He kisses Taiga, simply kisses him and the world stops spinning. 

When they break apart for air, he looks at Taiga. His hair messed up already, he doesn’t even know when his hands got tangled into his hair, eyes wide and shining with anticipation, lust, need, and most importantly, love. 

His voice gets caught in his throat, refusing to work with him as he whispers the words he knows Taiga’s been waiting to hear. 

“I want you.”

Taiga doesn’t respond, not vocally at least, he just smiles, not once doubting Hokuto. They promised. He trusts Hokuto on this and it feels like the world is reborn. 

That’s why he doesn’t hesitate to lean down, capturing his lips again and deepens it until they’re both panting for air, eyes glossy and the only thing they see is each other.

It’s the two of them, only the two of them when their clothes fall to the ground without a sound when they touch each other as if it’s their first time. In a way, it is. After getting together like this, it is. 

They’ve tumbled into bed together occasionally before, their needs and desires taking over in the heat of the moment, and it’s a thing they’ll never regret. They’ve always been attracted to each other physically, bodies drawn to each other like magnets and whenever they’ve touched, it’s been an euphoria. It’s a thing they’ve never talked about, never thought of as something else than needs to get it out of their system.

Now it feels different. Hokuto feels like he’s back being young and inexperienced again because Taiga makes him feel like he’s never touched him before. It’s another feeling than when he usually touches Taiga during sex. 

This is invigorating, liberating, and captivating at the same time. 

He can feel how his lower regions react to it all in a familiar way but it’s not only a physical reaction anymore. It’s a mental connection he has with Taiga, one they’ve never shared before and it’s making everything feel a thousand times more. 

It doesn’t take them long to settle into position, Taiga sprawled beneath him looking absolutely gorgeous, already so hard and waiting, and Hokuto pressing his mouth on Taiga’s skin, down his neck, collarbone and over his chest. He makes sure he doesn’t leave any visible marks where they can be seen but he’s tempted to leave some hidden. Taiga’s soft moans spur him on as he gets closer to his waiting member, biting softly into the inner part of his thigh, sucking a faint a mark there. 

When he feels satisfied with his work of art, he wastes no time taking Taiga into his mouth, just like usual, humming around him as he swallows him whole, hand covering the part of the base he can’t reach with his mouth. 

The noises Taiga lets out as he works his mouth on him are intoxicating, soft gasps that spur him on more, going straight to his own groin. He lets his free hand wander over Taiga’s thigh, feeling the soft skin burning under his touch, nothing like before and he almost wants to finish it like this. His mouth on Taiga, feeling him finish on his tongue, knowing that it was him who did it, who got Taiga to reach heights he never reached before, but he also wants to feel more of him. 

He feels how Taiga jerks his body when he brushes a finger over the rim of Taiga’s hole, making him take in Taiga even deeper, the tip of his cock hitting the back of his mouth. 

The lube is in his hands before he even knows it, coating his fingers with it, and he slips off Taiga with a pop when he pokes his hole with his finger. It slides in easy, accepting Hokuto’s finger like it’s made to be there, and Hokuto stares at Taiga while he pushes it inside. 

This time, he looks at Taiga in another light, soft and dreamy, marveling at how gone Taiga is already, face expressing pleasure as he clenches around Hokuto’s finger, how Taiga almost have an ethereal aura around him. He almost wonders if the alcohol is making him see things but the moment his heart skips a beat, he knows it’s because he’s so enamored with Taiga, in all the ways possible. More than just a physical reaction or even a mental connection.

He’s simply so in love with Taiga and has been too afraid to admit it before.

When he adds another finger, Taiga is panting hard underneath him and gripping the bedsheets so tightly he thinks they’re going to rip apart, and he looks at Hokuto with a heated and desperate haze that makes Hokuto’s insides coil tighter with heat and cock twitch in response.

Taiga gasps out loud, Hokuto’s name spilling off his tongue when Hokuto’s fingers slide deeper, curling and hitting in an angle he knows Taiga likes. He watches how Taiga’s back arches, desperate to feel more. He spreads his fingers apart slightly further, stretching him open a bit more. 

“Hokuto, please,” Taiga whispers softly, desperation seeping through his voice. “I want you now.”

What Taiga wants, Taiga gets. He’s followed that principle since forever and he’s not going to break it now. 

He lets out a soft chuckle as he slowly withdraws his fingers, heart vaulting when Taiga audibly whines at the loss. He leaves Taiga to fetch the condom in their drawer but Taiga stops him. He raises his eyebrows at him but Taiga just shakes his head. 

“Now,” he says and Hokuto can’t say no.

It’s in the back of his mind when he pushes in, how it’s the first time they’re doing it unprotected, but he knows they’re both clean, always been, and it’s not even what’s weighing the most on his mind. It’s not like he doesn’t care about it. It just hits him. The trust that Taiga puts in him. How it means that Taiga is giving him his everything. It makes his mind go blank, and all he can think of is Taiga.

Taiga, who’s just on the edge of being open enough, who accepts him in more ways than just physically. 

The raw feeling of Taiga’s hot and tight muscles clenching around him as he slides inside makes him drop his head on Taiga’s chest, a low moan escaping straight out of his lungs. When he bottoms out, he forces himself to stay still, the feeling overwhelming him too much, thinking he’ll come if he so much moves an inch. He suspects Taiga feels exactly the same, considering the way Taiga holds his breath before trying to even it out.

He kisses Taiga’s skin gently, waiting patiently for Taiga to make the first move, and he almost chokes on his next breath when Taiga’s legs lift off the bed, knees tight on either side of his hips, urging Hokuto to grind deeper inside him.

They settle with a slow pace, Hokuto pulling his hips back slowly, grabbing one of Taiga’s legs for better grip, tucking his elbow under Taiga’s knee to keep it lifted in the air, then pushing back inside again slowly, mellow moans filling the air as he does it again. Holding Taiga’s legs open and steady in a slow dance, slower than they’ve ever done before.

He sees the moment the head of his cock hits the prostate, as Taiga covers his mouth to muffle the high pitched sound, holding his voice back the best he can when Hokuto thrusts back inside, hitting it again.   


The position they are in doesn’t allow Hokuto to kiss Taiga properly without stopping his thrusts, so he settles with kissing the inside of his knee instead, gently and caring. He watches how Taiga slowly dissolves into a moaning mess, one that’s so different from all the other times he’s heard him. This one is colored differently than before. 

Taiga’s hips jerk upward, cock waiting for more attention and Hokuto stops his kisses, and wraps his hand around Taiga’s cock, stroking it slowly, almost teasingly. He rolls his thumb through the slick gathered at the head, spreading it and making his hand slide easier, and the way he can feel Taiga pulsate in his hand makes his cock twitch inside him. 

He knows they’re both so close, so ready to finish already so he snaps his hips a bit harder, a bit faster. It’s not rocket science and even when he feels his own pace faltering, even when the familiar heat building up inside that he doesn’t want to stop anymore, all he wants is for Taiga to stay. 

Hokuto’s name rolls off Taiga’s lips as he jerks his hips, his muscles contracting around Hokuto and making him see stars. He paints his fair skin of his stomach with thick ropes of his release, and Hokuto leans his head against his thigh as he pulls out to follow him right after, making a mess on both of them and the bed, before collapsing beside him.   


They stay silent for a while, Hokuto kisses him softly wherever he can reach as they catch their breaths before he gets up to clean them. 

It hits him when he comes back to Taiga with a hot towel and tissues, how much he actually loves Taiga. How much he wants to spend the rest of his life doing mundane things with him, share the stupid events in their lives, and experience all the ups and downs. The sex was great, he’s not denying it, the best they’ve ever had probably, and he’d even go as far as calling it lovemaking. He wouldn’t mind them doing it again.

It just gets to him when he sees the aura around Taiga, how it’s changed. It’s glowing so strongly that Hokuto has to blink, wipe his eyes, but it doesn’t disappear. It just gets to him how dull his life has been without Taiga. 

All the colors and brightness come back to life with the realization and everything is suddenly more than life itself. 

It was never just about physical attraction and getting it out of their system, getting to touch each other as no one else has before. It was never just about them being together. It was more than that.

There’s something about the sight of Taiga’s skin being marked with faint proof of his feelings towards him that makes Hokuto speechless. He doesn’t want Taiga to ever leave him. 

Taiga looks at him, smiling as he cleans him up, humming a low tune, clearly content with the treatment he’s given. He stills his hands, sighing and Taiga looks at him, silently wondering what’s wrong.

He gets no response from Hokuto, slightly panicking, thinking something is wrong.

“Was it too much?” He whispers, eyes trying to find Hokuto’s, slightly regretting letting this go this far if Hokuto thinks it was too much, thinking that he shouldn’t have been that selfish but Hokuto shakes his head. 

"I don't regret a thing, I would never. Not with you." Hokuto reassures Taiga and Taiga has never heard Hokuto speak with such honesty before yet he can hear the fear beneath his words.

“But?”

"I won't be able to let you go." 

Taiga just hugs him close, not saying a word and trying to convince the younger that it’s alright. 

Everything will be alright.


	7. July

Hokuto’s not the first one to be asked out on a festival but the way Taiga looks so excited about it makes it hard to decline the other. They try to invite the others too but they politely decline it, wishing them a nice date together, and even now, the word “date” makes him feel all tingly inside - because it’s just them together, doing things they like, together. It doesn’t necessarily have to be considered a date. It’s just a natural thing. They don’t complain though, more than happy to be alone together.

The festival is just a local one, near their apartment and it makes their neighborhood turn into a colorful and lively one, much different for the mundane and dull one they usually walk around in. Streamers decorating the streets, stalls set up, and ready for business and people bustling around. It’s all decorated to a stunning degree and Hokuto feels oddly out of place, feeling underdressed for the occasion in his plain yukata, black with thin white and grey stripes. Taiga reassures him that he looks good nonetheless because the clothes have never been the thing he liked the most about Hokuto anyway. He almost feels a bit insulted, his fashion sense is fine alright, but Taiga snickers and all his annoyance disappears. 

Taiga, on the other hand, looks stunning. Sporting a light-blue one, bringing out the colors in his blond hair and the shine in his eyes, complementing his skin tone. 

“You look good,” he says when they walk down the streets. 

“Is that all you have to say? Good?” Taiga playfully responds, acting offended. “I expected more from you, Matsumura.”

“We’re back to Matsumura now?” He chuckles, remembering just how it had sounded earlier when Taiga had uttered his given name when they had been tangled together in messy bedsheets, behind closed doors and curtains.

He knows Taiga is not fishing for compliments really, even if Hokuto wants to shower him them. He just doesn’t know how to find the right words. Words that easily come to his mind when he talks to himself but so hard to vocalize. 

Taiga clicks his tongue, turning his back to Hokuto to walk ahead but the younger catches his wrist before he gets too far. He pulls him closer, turning them face to face before bringing up one hand to brush away a few strands of hair from Taiga’s face. 

He lets his hand rest on Taiga’s nape, fingers playing with the loose hair that is not put up in the small ponytail Taiga wears, and all he can think of is how he wants to kiss the other so bad. To not use any words to explain how good Taiga looks.

“So?” Taiga whispers, voice breaking the silence between them, waiting for Hokuto to go on - to say something, to do something. There’s no one around them at the moment, and even if there were, nobody is paying them any attention - nobody is looking.

He leans in to kiss him gently on the forehead, letting his lips linger a bit longer than usual and he hopes it conveys the words he’s trying to say.

“You’re so complicated sometimes,” Taiga’s words don’t hurt at all because he knows he understands. 

They walk around for a while, buying food and playing around among the stalls, and the way Taiga turns into a small child makes Hokuto fall even more in love with him. It almost makes him cry, knowing that he gets to see Taiga like this - unguarded, elated, and relaxed. 

When they write their wishes to hang up, Hokuto thinks about the story behind the festival, about Orihime and Hikoboshi, and how the resemblance between them and him and Taiga is uncannily similar. How their work and profession separate them from being together like they want to, how every day when they come home is like crossing the bridge of magpies because they can finally be together, how every time they have to spend their nights apart feel like a rainy day. How every day feels like a year apart even when they’re together. 

He knows there’s no real happy ending to the story and that he has to be content with the way things are right now, but he wishes, he really wishes how time could just stop. 

Let time stop so he could have Taiga by his side forever, never letting him go, wake up beside him every morning, without the dread of not knowing whether they’ll spend the night together or not because of work, cook him food, share the meals together with laughter and happiness, pass the days with ease, just enjoying each other, kiss him breathless whenever he wants during the day, feel his body close in all ways possible, fight over who gets to use the bathroom first, and hold him close as they fall asleep. 

Rinse and repeat.

But the reality is cruel and he knows it’s merely a daydream and all he can do is to wish for tomorrow to not be a rainy day.

* * *

They stand by the riverside, far away from the gathered mess of visitors, barely illuminated by the nearby streetlamp, hand in hand, and Taiga still got a shy smile on his lips, and Hokuto knows he’s happy. His hand feels warm, strangely warm but it feels right. It fits just right and Hokuto believes they should hold hands more often. 

He can hear Taiga hum on a melody, probably a new composition of his, and from the way he looks, he’s engrossed in his own world - a world Hokuto thinks is beautiful, despite the weird way of thinking Taiga has sometimes but because it’s Taiga, it’s beautiful. 

Sometimes he wonders if he’s a part of that world too. If Taiga thinks about him just as much as he thinks about Taiga. If Taiga also has moments where he’s just speechless because of the immense emotions of love and adoration well up and overflows. 

He thinks back on their months together, as a couple, how absolutely, hauntingly, perfect it’s been. They still argue from time to time, just like couples do, but they make up quickly afterward, both of them knowing way too well it’s no time to be angry at each other. He tries to not think of the bad times they have together, not wanting to focus on it when Taiga is standing beside him, content, and happy. He wants to cherish these happy times, the bright road they walk on together when he can. 

Because he loves him and he’s ready now to accept it fully. 

It’s taken him until now to embrace the undeniable fact that Taiga means the world to him, that there’s no way escaping it, that Taiga got him wrapped around his fingers and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for Taiga. He wants to let the other know, ready to commit himself fully, even if it’s going to be hurting him in the end.

He’s ready to take the fall, tell Taiga those words he’s been waiting to hear, the words he’s been showing in actions all this time but been too afraid to actually say out loud. He knows he doesn’t have to, he knows he doesn’t have to tell Taiga because he knows. He’s always known Hokuto better than he’s known himself. 

But Taiga deserves to hear it now that Hokuto is ready to say it. 

He squeezes Taiga’s hand, earning one back and Taiga turns to him, eyes bright and he smiles so sweetly, genuinely happy, and it only makes it easier to say it. 

"I lo-" The rest of the sentence is inaudible as the first display of fireworks shoots up, the shrill sound filling the air before sparkling above them like flowers blooming, big and dazzling, covering the night sky with colors ranging from the deepest red to the brightest yellow. 

He looks at Taiga with unwavering eyes, lips sealed into a thin line after the last words have fallen off his lips and when Taiga smiles at him - that small, shy smile of his, Hokuto knows he heard him. 

Taiga looks down on their joined hands, a smile still on his lips and all Hokuto wants to do is to hold him close and never let go. 

"You finally said it," Taiga's voice is light and hopeful but Hokuto doesn't understand how. He can't wrap his head around how Taiga can still have hope and see the light in this - in them.

He loves Taiga. He truly does but he's realistic and he knows it won't do any of them any good by saying it. Taiga knows it. Hokuto knows Taiga knows it. 

Yet he can't help himself but say it.


	8. August

Their next single is announced, they’re going to sing the lead song for Hokuto’s new drama, and it’s a medium tempo ballad, and they’ve decided to add unit songs to the single as well. They did add unit songs on their album but Taiga insists on adding them again. They still have so many songs to release and record. 

“I want to sing with Taiga,” Hokuto says out loud in their meeting, not even bothering to change the way he addresses his boyfriend in public, and it makes Taiga feel strangely happy. He’s always been Kyomoto to Hokuto, except when they’re alone.

There’s something in the way Hokuto says his name also that is special, that makes him feel fireworks inside and see flowers sprout in front of his eyes and he almost misses what their producer says. He knows the others don’t mind them teaming up for duets but it all got to match with the producer too. 

Of course, the idea is accepted, it’s perfect and they haven’t released anything similar before, their combination the only one left in the group. 

Maybe it’s been a thing they’ve clung onto from the past - to not feed the public with too much truth but Hokuto is desperate now. 

The time he spends at home with Taiga is not enough anymore. He wants to be near Taiga at work too, even if he has to hold himself back whenever they’re not alone. 

He doesn’t know where this sudden urge and need come from but he knows he wants to spend all his time with Taiga, even if it makes the latter tired of him.

Maybe he’ll come off as a brat, a childish and selfish wish, but he knows that they can produce the best song together. He’s imagined this day to come, the day when he can stand beside Taiga and sing with him again, just the two of them. 

His vocal lessons won’t be in vain, he will show everyone that he can do this too, that he’s worthy to stand beside Taiga, even if he’ll never reach the same heights as Taiga. But he’ll put his mark to the public, he’ll show the world that there’s no one else than him for Taiga. 

Of course, he won’t ever have the same connection and combination Jesse has with Taiga, it’s a special thing only those two can pull off. Maybe he once was jealous of it but now, he’s over it and he believes that what Taiga and he has, it’s special too. 

If he can’t announce it officially to the world that Taiga is his, he got to make it obvious somehow. 

Even the staff finds it cute how Hokuto trails after Taiga during their rehearsals and recordings, commenting how it’s almost as if they were back to being best friends, and they only laugh at it, along with everyone. It’s far from the truth but it’s not wrong either. They’re more than just friends, even best friends. 

There might be some acting included in their actions while the camera is rolling because they can’t tell the world yet, but at the end of the day, they’re in love. They know that their shared giggles and touches that fans will go crazy over are genuine and coming from the heart. 

* * *

Later during the month, they head out to do their usual grocery shopping and it’s a ride. It’s always a ride because Taiga is still not used to the ways of a commoner. Hokuto finds it adorable really. 

Because doing grocery shopping with Taiga has always been a favorite thing to Hokuto. There’s something special in the way Taiga wanders through the supermarket like a child during Christmas despite being a full-grown adult.

He still lights up at the smallest things he finds interesting, looking back at Hokuto and smiling brightly every time. 

Although the big adventure doesn’t start until they reach the vegetable area and Taiga finds the only thing he ever buys on his own. 

Tomatoes.

“Taiga, we don’t need another 2 kilos of tomatoes,” Hokuto sighs at the older male as he holds up a bunch of fresh tomatoes. 

“They’re on sale.”

“You still have another batch at home.”

“I will eat them tonight and you know that,” Taiga proceeds to put the tomatoes into the basket anyway before Hokuto even can protest. What Taiga wants, Taiga gets. He sighs deeply but he smiles fondly as Taiga skips ahead to the next aisle.

* * *

Juri almost physically assaults them when they arrive in the dressing room the day after, waving a wrinkled magazine in his hand. 

“You got featured!”

It doesn’t quite enter their brains before Juri opens the spread with the two of them shopping at the supermarket yesterday - Hokuto carrying two of their three bags, walking side by side and despite Taiga wearing a mask, it’s obvious it’s the two of them. They might also be walking a bit closer than needed for the pretense of being friends but they never had a problem going shopping before. There were never any encounters with any fans or similar, until now.

The tabloid itself is harmless, just trying to milk readers out of the seemingly strange phenomenon that is them shopping together. 

“Don’t the tabloids have anything better to report?” Hokuto groans as Taiga reads the article in detail. 

“It’s breaking news though,” Juri retorts, looking at the two of them as if they had grown another head. “YOU two, together, grocery shopping, TOGETHER.”

They exchange a quick look between them before Hokuto sighs. 

  
“At least it’s nothing serious, maybe everyone will stop believe we don’t get along.”

He links his fingers together with Taiga’s behind their bags, out of everyone’s, especially Juri’s sight. 

“That rumor has been dead since a long time ago,” Juri informs them as the self-proclaimed KyomoHokku expert he is. “All of the fans believe you are married already - which is not that far from the truth but anyway, you got to be more careful.”

They both nod even if they know it’s going to be hard, they share a small smile before Juri groans out loud and pokes at the magazine again. 

“Also, what the hell did you buy that required three plastic bags?”

“Tomatoes.”

* * *

Taiga's on the couch watching another Conan movie when he hears the door open, and Hokuto and Juri walk in, chattering loudly as they enter. 

"Hi Juri," he says as if they haven't seen each other in days, peeking up from the couch. He briefly wonders why Juri is here but he doesn't mind, it's been a while since they had someone over and Juri is nice (he spoils him, so, therefore, Juri is nice). 

"Kyomooo~" Juri sings as he hands Hokuto his bag and skips over to Taiga, only to flop his whole body onto him, almost crushing the older male. "I've missed you~~"

"You saw me this morning, oh my god, get off you're heavy," Taiga laughs back despite not moving Juri away. He doesn't even weigh that much really. 

"Where's my welcome home?" Hokuto whines from the hallway where he tries to adjust their shoes and jackets that Juri just left in his hands. "It's not fair that Juri gets everything the moment we get inside  _ my home. _ "

" **_Our_ ** home," Taiga corrects him beneath Juri who's more than content staying there like an oversized cat. "If you just move your ass over here, you'll get your welcome home." 

He waves with one of his hands to Hokuto, successfully making him wander over until he’s close enough for him to grab Hokuto's sleeve, pulling him down to press a kiss against his boyfriend's lips. 

"Welcome home," he says, smiling at Hokuto as they part, drowning in the sea of brown he sees in Hokuto’s eyes, forgetting all about Juri in a split second. 

"Ew, get a room," Juri gags beside them, close enough to observe them in detail, and they only give him the side-eye, as he smiles back innocently. 

"You're going to get free food, you don't get to complain," Hokuto rolls Juri off Taiga as he leans back to head to the kitchen. "Come and help me prepare the vegetables, and make yourself useful."

Taiga smiles at both of them as Hokuto throws an apron at Juri, the black one, and wears the pink one himself. It's an obvious difference between the aprons, the black one used way more than the pink, but Hokuto insisted on having one each, and by now, Taiga finds it kinda cute. Especially how Hokuto shares his own without care but doesn't let anyone touch Taiga's. 

His heart skips a beat when Hokuto rolls his sleeves up to start cutting the vegetables. The veins on the arms are so obvious and protruding, muscles moving smoothly as he cuts piece by piece, a steady flow, staccato of cuts, and it's making him fall in a trance. Watching Hokuto closely from the couch, focusing on his arms, then his hands when he picks the cut vegetables to drop them into the saucepan. 

Hokuto's elegant hands with those sinful fingers, that can do and have done so much. How he picks up the rest of the pieces of the vegetables, carefully and slowly. Fingers wrapping around the items with care, dripping with juices from them ö, and it gets his mind running wild. 

He remembers those fingers from last night, exactly those fingers he's watching right now, coated with another kind of juice, running over the inside of his thighs, slowly, teasingly, sending fire through his veins…

Juri interrupts his thoughts, loud laughter piercing through his heat of the moment. 

Then, he remembers where he is, but the damage is already done. He's throbbing already, growing harder by each second and when Hokuto turns around to look at him, it doesn't help. It's as if the younger could read his mind, and Taiga feels a shiver run down his spine at the way Hokuto looks at him. Hokuto doesn't help at all. Never did. 

"I'll be right back," he rushes to say, as nonchalantly he can as he pauses the movie and escapes into the bedroom, locking it as silently as he can. 

His heart is speeding up already, feeling the familiar feeling well up inside, skin tingling, demanding attention and he's down on his knees by the bed before he can even grasp the situation. 

All he knows is that he needs to get this out of his system, right now. He should be ashamed he's doing this with his boyfriend on the other side of the door, more than willing to help him, even with Juri here, but there's something telling him that he can't ask, shouldn't ask. 

He should be as silent as he can, work as fast as he can, and act as nothing happened when he returns to the living room. 

It doesn't go as planned though because the moment he wraps his hand around his length, he gasps out loud. He grabs the closest pillow to muffle the sound, only to get overwhelmed by the smell of morning dew - Hokuto's scent. 

It shoots another wave of arousal through him, a low rumble of a moan into the pillow and he wishes Hokuto could be here, be the one around him, stroking him, letting him be as loud as he wants, but he's in the kitchen, unaware. 

He pulls himself out of his pants, the cold air making him twitch as he speeds up, thinking about all the ways Hokuto makes him go crazy. But especially how he loves him so tenderly but so heavily at the same time, and how that's everything Taiga's ever wanted. 

The slick sounds of his hard, leaking length echo in the room along with his barely controlled breath. He chants Hokuto’s name in his head like a mantra, over and over again, wishing the other could hear him, could come and help him, finish him off, give him his release, but he’s not here. 

There’s a knock on the door and Taiga barely notices it if it hadn’t been Hokuto’s worried voice, asking him if he’s okay. 

He’s not if he’s being honest. He’s way too aroused, way too worked up because of Hokuto to be considered as fine, but he has no way of letting Hokuto know that without giving himself away. He swallows his next moan before he weakly replies to Hokuto.

“I’m.. fine.”

There’s a pause before Hokuto says anything and Taiga just keeps stroking himself, heart beating so hard against his chest that he thinks it’ll break and jump out. 

“..if you say so,” Hokuto says and Taiga can see him standing on the other side, slightly confused in his apron, ready to break down the door if Taiga had needed help, and the visual of it almost brings him over the edge. 

“You know I’m always here to  _ help you _ .”

The suggestion, the implication, makes him gasp out loud, hand faltering, hips jerking as he’s coming into his hand, the thought of Hokuto overhearing him being the last drop. 

He barely hears it when Hokuto walks away and he’s thankful that Hokuto left him alone, for now, because he’s definitely going to let Hokuto help him later again.

When he leaves the bedroom after making himself presentable again, he goes straight to the bathroom to clean himself off better. Hokuto soon joins him, putting a hand on his forehead to check his temperature. He assures his boyfriend that he’s okay, nothing is wrong. 

“I just wanted to check so you didn’t get a fever,” Hokuto says as he leans his forehead against Taiga’s. “You looked quite flushed before.”

He says nothing for a few seconds, only pouting at Hokuto for being a worry-wart.

“You know, maybe there’s another reason why I was flushed…”


	9. September

Their anniversary date is around the corner, a few weeks away and Hokuto is internally freaking out. He has no clear idea how to celebrate it with Taiga and he's not even sure if they'll even get proper time off  _ together _ to do it. 

At this point, he feels like Taiga deserves the best celebration possible, having to put up with Hokuto all this time, dealing with his insecurities, waiting for him to admit his feelings because he's a handful and he knows it. 

He knows Taiga will be fine with just a mention of it, a small gift, or just spending time with him. Thing is, Hokuto thinks it’s not fine. He’s not fine with it at all. Because Taiga has given him so much during their time together. 

There are weekend trips he’s been looking into, a quick getaway for the both of them, but he’s afraid it’ll be too exposing and also hard to schedule, but he thinks it’d be nice to go somewhere, just the two of them, someday. 

It’s a nice thing to daydream about, while he’s browsing on his iPad for ideas, how Taiga would shine brighter than the sun at the mention of a small vacation, somewhere he’d wanted to go, how exciting it would be to plan for that vacation, taking care of all the itinerary because Taiga would get too distracted, indulge himself in the illusion of happiness they’d experience. He’d see places he wants to visit with Taiga; restaurants where they’ll order whatever they want, tourists spots they’ll visit and take stupid photos at, hotels they’d stay at and relax in-between activities, roads they’ll drive down, streets they’ll stroll down hand in hand while talking about the nothings in their lives that matters. Everything makes him feel warm inside and he realizes that there are few, close to none, places he wouldn’t want to visit with Taiga. 

But a vacation is out of the question, considering they’re still working toward their new single, most of the songs are done and ready to be finalized, recording the last parts in the coming days, and they’re desperately trying to squeeze in time to film everything they need for the single. 

Even in the midst of that, Hokuto’s been happy to spend most of it with Taiga. Their duet is going smoothly and the added insert of Hokuto playing the piano to Taiga’s guitar made it all perfect.

The moment Taiga had dropped the sheets into his lap one late evening, he got chills running through his entire body. He could see the notes dancing in front of him as he skimmed them through, melody coming to life and he could envision them on stage, together, playing it. He had looked at Taiga, and it had taken him one second to break out in the biggest smile ever, and they had kissed so sweetly on the couch that evening, feeling so complete, surrounded by the melody of their song, creating new harmonies together. 

It’s also another reason why he wants to celebrate together, the anniversary, of course, a priority, but he also wants to commemorate them finishing their song too. That they have something, that is theirs; their hard work, passion, dreams, and hopes, something that is eternally engraved into history. It’s a life-changing event for them, something they can forever look back on and remember the moments connected to it. So he wants this celebration to be a part of it.

He knows he got a few hours every day alone, the times when Taiga is away for musicals and other individual jobs, and he’s trying to do his best to use this time to prepare the best thing ever for Taiga. 

There are multiple tabs open with different recipes; starters, main courses, desserts, and different techniques to make sure he can deliver a full three-course meal at home, while also keeping it a secret. Even if Taiga doesn’t spend that much time in the kitchen, he occasionally wanders in there for snacks and lighter meals whenever Hokuto is not home (because he’s a fully grown adult, thank you very much), and Hokuto feels oddly proud whenever he comes home and sees that Taiga has been doing adventures in the kitchen. Even if it’s just something simple as a sandwich. 

He shuffles around on the couch, restless and nervous, his iPad glaring at him to just pick a course already and let it rest. He struggles though because it got to be perfect. He needs it to be perfect, even when he knows it doesn’t have to be. He knows the iPad can’t understand his struggles and he doesn’t want to ask anyone in his friend circle about suggestions either because they will spread the word somehow, and in the end, Taiga will get a whiff about it. He’ll probably ignore it but Hokuto doesn’t want to take that risk. 

They have a bunch of tomatoes at home, will always have, because that’s what Taiga loves and Hokuto knows that he got to make something related to that. There’s just a lot to choose from and he’s probably going to dream about tomatoes after all this research, but it’ll be worth it.    


One night, he leaves his iPad out in the living room as he goes to prepare tonight’s dinner when Taiga comes back home, throwing himself on the couch the moment he gets his outerwear off. He doesn’t bat an eye when Taiga asks him to borrow his iPad to browse (because Taiga borrows it all the time) until he remembers he still has a few tabs of recipes open. He almost drops the spatula on the floor as he fumbles to put things away and shuffle over to Taiga, making sure he doesn’t see anything he shouldn’t be seeing.

“Why is your browser filled with tomato related recipes?” 

The question is in the air before he can save the situation and he doesn’t know if he’s freaking out more or madly in love, because of the way Taiga looks at him from the couch with big eyes, bright with curiosity, expectation, and confusion. He knows Taiga is not stupid, he knows he’s currently trying to put one and one together because Hokuto doesn’t fancy tomatoes that much. In Taiga’s brain, that equals something related to him. 

“Ehum, well,” he mutters, trying to find a good excuse. “I just thought... maybe trying some new things?”

It's a lame excuse and he knows it, not sure if Taiga is going to buy it at all as the other looks at him as if he’d grown another head. 

Then he giggles, soft and bright and the tense air disappears and Hokuto lets out a breath he didn't know he held back. 

“You're cute,” Taiga says as he just opens a new tab and Hokuto feels his whole face turn red and he's sure that Taiga sees it. “Did you know that?”

He kisses him silent, an automatic, foolproof way of escaping further embarrassment, before returning to the food on the stove. 

Personally, he thinks Taiga is the one who’s cute.

When he finds a good combination of dishes to make, he feels relief wash over him before the next wave of nervosity hits - because what if he fucks it up and makes the whole thing inedible?

He shakes his head, throwing the doubt out of the window. He knows how to cook and as long as he doesn’t burn anything, Taiga will like it. 

* * *

Sneaking to the grocery store and getting all the ingredients is easy enough, stopping by after work, buying a few things at a time, making sure that Taiga doesn’t notice a thing. He uses a few of the ingredients sparsely for other meals, not wanting it to spoil or making Taiga noticing that he’s stocking up on things. 

He’s making sure that Taiga is coming home the evening he decides on launching his large scale anniversary dinner plan - masking it as a movie night, something they usually do, so Taiga is just excited to come home because it’s been a while since they did it. 

When he hears the keys turn and the door opening, Hokuto shuffles out of the bedroom, newly dressed to meet Taiga.

“Wow, you look…” Taiga breathes out, taking a second to stare at his boyfriend, not sure which word is most appropriate. 

“Good?” He teases, thinking back on the time in July he had been speechless about Taiga’s appearance. Taiga sticks out his tongue at him like five-year-old but smiles nonetheless, and it makes Hokuto feel so warm inside. He’s never going to stop feeling butterflies inside his stomach whenever Taiga smiles. 

He ushers Taiga into the bedroom, telling him to change into something matching, something equally  _ good _ , before heading to their kitchen island to light the candles, waiting for Taiga to join him.

The look on Taiga’s face when he comes close enough to see what Hokuto has done for them, for  _ him,  _ almost brings him to tears. 

On the table is a beautiful set of silver-lined plates laid out, their finest forks and knives, wine glasses with matching water glasses (Taiga has vague memories of them being Matsumura heirlooms), pink peony petals scattered all around. If the presentation of the tableware wasn’t enough to make him emotional, the food does the trick. 

He sees a varied amount of tomatoes all over and if Hokuto’s usual meal preps are good, this is on another level and he can’t believe the other did this. The thought of tomatoes being turned into something beautiful and elegant like this blows his mind. 

Hokuto motions for him to sit down as he goes to the fridge to pull out a bottle of white wine.  “I know you don’t drink while we have work going on, so I got us the alcohol-free kind,” Hokuto says before he can utter anything, and it makes his heart beat faster at the thought of Hokuto going to the store, carefully checking every bottle to make sure it doesn’t contain too much alcohol, carefully doing his research on which wine suits the dishes he’s prepared the best.

In front of him is the starter - a simple salad of two different tomatoes and peaches, sprinkled with dressing and baby arugula. It looks so inviting and the moment they dig into the food, his mind is once again blown by the mixture of tastes on his tongue. He wants to savor it, take it slow and enjoy it while it lasts but he can’t stop himself from eating it way faster than he should have. Hokuto smiles at him from the other side of the table, telling him that he has more prepared if he wants more. They have all night after all. Taiga knows there’s a main course coming too because he can smell the  familiar scent of fish in the air, so he refrains from eating more of the salad, even if his mind is screaming for more. 

They fill the air with small talk, Hokuto asking Taiga about his day, and it’s always a sure way to get Taiga to talk and get distracted, so Hokuto gets up to prepare the main course he has resting on the counter. He listens to Taiga as he prattles about his day, how his co-workers are amazing, how they know so much about small things he’s not noticed yet, how much he still has to learn, and while Hokuto tries to tell him that he is indeed good, Taiga retorts that it’s not enough. He needs to get even better. 

“I’ll shine - “

“I’ll shine brighter than the sun one day,” Hokuto finishes his sentence for him as he puts the plate down in front of Taiga - tuna on top of tomatoes, olives, and red onion, garnished with parsley. “You said it before, I remember.”

He remembers it vividly. It was one of Taiga’s darker days, one he hasn’t seen in a long time, coming out of nowhere, frustration and desperation swallowing him and Hokuto could only hold him close, whisper sweet words into his nape as Taiga gripped him hard, wrinkling his clothes, staining them with tears and snot. The shaking had stopped and Hokuto had thought Taiga had calmed down, but instead of seeing a sad and hollowed face when Taiga looked up at him, he saw fierce, burning gaze and despite the streaks from the tears on his cheeks, Taiga looked stronger than ever.

“I’ll shine brighter than the sun one day,” he said, voice steady, resolution found and determination filled his soul instead. 

Hokuto had wanted to tell Taiga that he was already shining brighter than the sun. To Hokuto, Taiga had always been the only sun in his universe. His own star.

Taiga forgets about it all the moment he sees the food Hokuto puts down, and he barely gets to utter his awe over the food before Hokuto places a black velvet box on the table too. 

“Eat first, then you can open it,” Hokuto hurries to say before Taiga can reach for the box, knowing that Taiga’s curiosity would win him over, and he kind of doesn’t want the food to go to waste and Taiga is still starving. He also wants to taste the wine along with the fish too. 

“Can I open it now?” Taiga asks when they have eaten the plates clean, and their stomachs are very satisfied, and borderline full. His fingers itch to take it in his hands, feel the surface of the box, wondering what’s inside. It’s too big to be a ring, and Taiga’s heart skips a beat at the thought of it - a vision of them, way older than now, together side by side by the riverside, watching the fireworks dance again, flashing by his eyes. 

When Hokuto gives his approval, he takes the box in his hand, feels the weight of it, and smoothness prickling his skin comfortably, and when he opens it, he loses his breath, snapping his head up to look at Hokuto in shock.

“Happy anniversary Taiga,” Hokuto smiles at him and Taiga is rendered speechless again. “Take a closer look.”

And he does.

In his hands, he holds a leather band, black metal lined with rose gold details, wristwatch. He looks closer, listening to Hokuto’s words and he notices that the clock is not working. He frowns at it at first, until he notices the time and date that it’s frozen at. 

“It’s the moment we officially got together for real,” Hokuto explains to no one because Taiga knows. He thought Hokuto didn’t know or didn’t care, and Taiga didn’t either. Until now.

“I wanted it to be engraved forever, frozen in time because it’s important to us, to  _ you, _ and a way to remind you how it’ll last forever,” Hokuto continues, and Taiga doesn’t know if he means that the watch, the memories, will last forever, or if he means that  _ they _ will last forever. Either way, he feels the first tear fall, and Hokuto is by his side in a second, arms thrown around him and wiping away the tears. 

Hokuto knows that Taiga’s overwhelmed right now and that the tears are not because of sadness, but of happiness. He doesn’t need Taiga to say anything because he already knows everything Taiga has to say. Through their time since they moved in together, he’s seen how Taiga loves, how he loves Hokuto in his own ways, and words were never their strongest suit anyway. 

Taiga puts the watch back in the box and on the table before embracing Hokuto back, tightly and clinging onto him, never wanting to let him go. 

It’s muffled by the way Taiga is burying himself against Hokuto, but he hears it nonetheless. The words they rarely say but always hear.

_ I love you so much. _


	10. October

When they decided they were going to host their annual Halloween party at their apartment, Taiga did not expect it to be this crowded with people. The six of them together is chaos enough but somehow, they’ve managed to fit in Snow Man and Travis Japan as well tonight and while he loves them all, he’s a bit worried about the damage they might leave after this party, and the fact that Hokuto will have the worst headache ever while cleaning up later (because everyone will be too wasted to help out). 

Even so, he’s sitting on the couch, sipping on the alcohol-free “blood” drink they made before everyone barged in with their own choice of beverages, comfortable in only his oversized, tiger-striped parka, tiger slippers, and everyone around him is having a great time - and he does too (even when Juri tried to put tiger ears on him too). It’s nice to meet everyone outside work and just relax around each other. 

Relaxing is not quite the word he should use, considering that Hokuto is standing in the kitchen, preparing more snacks for everyone while chatting with whoever it is, Taiga doesn’t know because he’s too busy **not** thinking of the way his black leather pants are hugging his legs so tightly, showing them off in a very nice way. He wonders why Hokuto doesn’t wear that more often, but then he backtracks and realizes that it’d be dangerous if he did. Too distracting, and showing off too much of every contour Hokuto has to offer. 

He glances over his shoulder to the kitchen, just in time to see Hokuto reaching up in the cupboard, white shirt riding up and exposing part of Hokuto’s back, and Taiga can’t help but stare. Stare at the marvelous skin he knows the exact taste of, the exact temperature and texture. He licks his lips as Hokuto turns slightly around, replying to Fukuzawa, smiling at something the older just said. It doesn’t help how Hokuto’s eyes crinkle when he laughs, making his eyes disappear into the dark eyeshadow he wears with the tight, emphasizing eyeliner too. It definitely doesn’t help.

“Dude, you’re staring so hard,” Shimekake’s voice brings him back, snickering at him, and Taiga huffs back. “Can you blame me? My boyfriend is hot.”

It feels weird to say the word “boyfriend” out loud to others who aren’t their groupmates, but everyone already knows. It just feels weird, even after a year, because no matter what labels people put on them, or they put on themselves, Hokuto will always be just Hokuto to him.

He ends up getting dragged into a conversation with half of Snow Man at some point, and while they’re just as chaotic as well, he still greatly enjoys their company. 

Until Shota starts to play with the hem of his parka.

“Hey! Hands off!” He laughs at the older, slapping his hands away. 

“But your legs look so tempting!” Shota whines as he drapes himself over Taiga. “I want to see more of it, don’t tell me you’re naked under that…”

“Even I was, I wouldn’t tell you, oh my God,” 

Then, he feels Hokuto’s stare, and he knows the other has overheard them. He turns to Hokuto and sees him standing a few feet away, one half-eaten pumpkin muffin in hand. The way Hokuto looks at him makes him feel shivers down his spine, and he wants to curl into himself because Hokuto’s stare is so intense but welcoming. 

The warm feelings bubble up inside him, the burning need to feel Hokuto closer takes over and he doesn’t even mind that Shota is once again trying to lift his parka up higher. All he wants is to have Hokuto by his side. 

Hokuto walks over to them, but not before stuffing Jesse’s mouth full with his pumpkin muffin, and Taiga is pretty sure Jesse deserved it for saying something stupid again. They lean onto each other automatically the moment Hokuto is close enough to wrap on arm around Taiga’s waist and pulling him close. His heart feels a bit more content now that Hokuto is here. 

“Hands off Shoppi, you’re defiling him,” Hokuto says, voice light and airy but Taiga knows the intent behind it is more than dangerous. Shota is harmless, they both know it, but the way Hokuto is acting protective makes him feel all fuzzy inside, and it’s kind of hot too. 

“No, I’m pure, I don’t defile people, I like them clean,” 

The others around them laugh at them, such a welcoming background noise to Taiga’s turbulent thoughts because he’s pressed up close to Hokuto. Hokuto and his white, loose shirt, half-open already, skin exposed but not enough to show off his (fucking hot) abs, pants so tight, hugging his ass nicely and shaping it perfectly, and Taiga can almost see the outline of Hokuto’s crotch, making his own react in ways he shouldn’t in public. But Hokuto doesn’t help. Especially not when his hand is resting right above his own ass.

Why were they having this party again?

Shota tries to beg him for just a little peek, just a little one, and Taiga can’t help but laugh at how desperate Shota is and decides to humor him a little. 

He picks the hem up, sliding the fabric over his thighs up slowly, a slow tease, exposing more and more of his thighs, and the moment he feels Hokuto’s hand tighten his hold, he drops the fabric and the others around them lets out loud groans of defeat. It’s nothing they haven’t seen before but it’s the way Taiga teases them all that makes it exciting, or maybe the way they try to challenge Hokuto to lose him composure. Taiga doesn’t know which one it is, but he knows Hokuto is far from unaffected.

“It’s getting a bit hot in this, I’ll be right back,” Hokuto whispers into his hair as he turns to kiss him on his head before walking away. Taiga doesn’t miss the hidden intention in that sentence and watches Hokuto disappear into their bedroom. He finishes listening to whatever the others are talking about before he slips away, between everyone, until he slides the door close to the bedroom. 

Hokuto is still there, of course, and the only difference is that he’s already taken off his shirt, standing by their wardrobe, trying to find something else to wear. He looks at Taiga as he enters, eyes darker than usual, and it’s not because of the makeup he wears, Taiga is sure of that. He closes the door to the wardrobe, crossing the distance between the two of them in a few swift steps, pushing Taiga against the door as he attacks him with a fierce kiss. Taiga responds immediately, all reason leaving his body, letting the lust take over, as he brings his hands up Hokuto’s face, holding him in place, fingers curling around the messy locks of Hokuto’s dark hair. 

It satisfies all his previous urges, the feeling of Hokuto pressed close against him, tongues fighting for dominance, and the heated tension between them, it all makes him feel on the top of the world. He doesn’t mind that the others are on the other side of the wall, both unaware and aware of what’s going on right now between them. It’s not much different from when they lock themselves inside janitor closets or empty dressing rooms at the agency, yet it is. 

Hokuto kisses him with such fervor, he believes he’ll be eaten alive, and he wouldn’t mind, because Hokuto steals his breath away, pouring all of his feelings into the kiss, and Taiga can feel it, the way Hokuto loves with his whole being - body and soul. Heart and mind. And he wants it all. He wants all that Hokuto has to offer, welcoming the way his mind turns blank. 

He slides one leg between Hoktuo’s, brushing his thigh against Hokuto’s clothed crotch, making his parka rise up on his leg. Hokuto’s harder than he thought, cock straining against those tight pants, sending another wave of excitement and pleasure through his body, and when Hokuto slides one hand over his exposed thigh, he moans into the kiss. 

Higher, and higher, and there’s nothing but skin for Hokuto to feel, and Taiga can feel how it turns the younger one on, and he doesn’t stop until his whole hand in underneath the parka, feeling the edge of his underwear.

“Lace?” Hokuto breaks the kiss, whispering into the space between them, sounding confused but intrigued. 

“Surprise?” Taiga says back with a smirk, knowing all too well how it’ll affect Hokuto. He had planned to reveal it to him after the party, but this way is good too. He feels how Hokuto thumbs over the lace of his underwear, the thin fabric barely covering anything, barely holding him in place but the way Hokuto’s eyes widen a little and breath speeding up is all worth it. 

“That’s hot…” Hokuto says absentmindedly, fingers ghosting over the dip above his crotch, making him gasp. 

“You are allowed to check it out,” Taiga finds Hokuto’s upper lip to put between his teeth, pulling at it gently, demanding more kisses, and when Hokuto obliges, he hums approvingly. 

Hokuto’s fingers don’t stop, leaving the lace to travel over his stomach, his side, feeling him up as he grinds his hips against Taiga’s leg. He can feel how worked up Hokuto is getting, and he’s not any different himself. 

He pushes Hokuto off gently when they break apart for air, pulling on the hem of his parka again, only this time, he brings it up high enough for Hokuto to see exactly what he’s wearing. 

“What do you think? Cute, isn’t it?” He whispers, licking his lips as Hokuto just stares at the exposed underwear - lingerie. Black, laced lingerie with tiger-striped detailed fabric covering his now throbbing erection. Hokuto simply nods in reply and Taiga knows he’s taking the sight in. 

Then, a great idea strikes him and he brings the hem of the parka up to his lips, biting down on it to hold it up as he lets his hands wander down his own body. 

He brushes his fingers against his nipples, letting a small moan escape through his gritted teeth. Rubbing at them until they’re hardening under his touch, one eye always on Hokuto, making sure he’s looking. And he is. Intensely. Knowing that he brings his hands lower and lower until he’s caressing his own thighs, giving Hokuto the best show he’s seen in a while, purposefully avoiding touching himself because of the hunger in Hokuto’s eyes that makes him want to tease the younger. 

He wants to strip Hokuto out of the stupid, tight pants, he wants him stark naked and sweaty against him, fucking him into oblivion.

But there’s time, place, and occasion for everything, and tonight is not that. 

Someone bumps into their door, the thump making both of them more aware of their current position, making them even more turned on at the thought of someone walking in on them, but Hokuto does the intelligent thing and locks the door as he leans in to nibble on the skin on Taiga’s neck that he can reach. 

“Keep looking,” Taiga says firmly, making Hokuto retreat, just enough to be able to see Taiga fully. It’s obvious that all Hokuto wants to do is to keep tasting him, feeling him, anything but to just look at Taiga, and the little power of dominance makes him feel more aroused. Especially at how easily Hokuto follows every word he says. 

He rewards Hokuto by palming himself over his lingerie, slow and steady, the opposite of what both of them want right now but the way Hokuto licks his lips and groans in a low, husky tone makes it all worth it. 

He wants Hokuto to put that tongue to better use, to use his pretty mouth and do that magic he always does, but he doesn’t want to ask for it. 

When he brushes his thumb against the head of his cock, he moans out loud, enough to drop the parka from his teeth. It doesn’t take long before Hokuto lifts it up himself, helping Taiga as he continues to touch himself.

They’re both breathing hard, breaking out in a sweat when Hokuto drops down on his knees, pulling Taiga’s hands away, only to replace them with his own. 

Hokuto brushes his fingers over the moist fabric, tracing the outline of his hard shaft before hooking his fingers around the edge of the lingerie, pulling it down his legs, exposing him as he lets Taiga step out of the underwear with ease. 

He slides his hand slowly up Taiga’s length, gripping just below the head, leaving it exposed just above his clenched fist. The pad of his thumb finds the slit, easing across it gently, smearing the precum all over it, making Taiga draw a sharp breath, cock twitching in Hokuto’s grip. Stroking it just the way Taiga likes, eyes focused on the older’s face until the next moan escapes past his lips. 

Hokuto lets go of his cock but not after sliding his finger through the wet mess, bringing it up to his own face, brushing his fingers over his lips, tongue ready to taste it. Taiga’s eyes widen as he watches how Hokuto consumes the fluid coming from his cock, feeling how his insides turn hotter and hotter with every flick of Hokuto’s tongue, eyes trained on Hokuto’s lips and tongue. Wishing nothing more than to feel that long, talented tongue on his body as well. 

He licks his fingers clean, slipping them out of his mouth with a pop before he takes a hold of Taiga’s dick once again, firmer than before, stroking it with a renewed purpose. The hard length swelling even more within his grip, letting him know how much Taiga enjoyed his strokes.

Taiga brings up the hem of his parka to his mouth again, muffling his pants with it, not daring to let it go of it because he wants to look at Hokuto through it all. He can feel the hot breath from Hokuto’s mouth on his skin, making it tingle with arousal and if it had not been for his experience, he would have come already. 

His cock twitches again, more precum oozing out of his slit as Hokuto slows down, only to lean in to kiss it away.

“Fuck,” Taiga swears, gasping after air as he finally feels Hokuto’s lips on him. 

The next time Hokuto lets go of him, he brings four of his fingers to his mouth, all four of them dipping inside and he lets Taiga watch closely how his lips stretch wide to accommodate them, letting his tongue swipe over and around them expertly, all while looking at Taiga with dark eyes - knowing exactly what Taiga was thinking about when it came to his tongue, fueling his mind further with the show he was putting on. 

Taiga lets out a small whine as the image of Hokuto gets too hot, gets too much and he wants Hokuto now, in any way, but he will not beg. 

As if Hokuto could read his mind, he pulls his fingers out, leaning back to lick the underside of his cock, making Taiga use his free hand to grip at the base of Hokuto’s neck, black waves of hair fitting perfectly between his fingers to tug at. 

He holds Hokuto steady as the younger keep teasing him, running his tongue over his throbbing length, licking the precum that escapes, and just refuses to take him in fully. 

Taiga tugs at Hokuto’s hair in the hope he can get the message across, that he wants him now, or he won’t be able to hold back anymore. He looks at Hokuto with hazy eyes, panting hard, and Hokuto smirks against his length before humming, sending vibrations through his whole body. 

Then, he finally felt it. Hokuto closing his lips over the tip of his cock, swirling his tongue around it before claiming even more of him. He lets out a sigh of relief, the feeling of Hokuto on his cock making him let go of everything, both physically and mentally, and it’s a while since they did something like this. Something heated, something quick and in need only, away from everyone and everything, just the two of them, focusing on just feeling good. 

It’s different from the other times though, this time, he can feel Hokuto’s slight possessiveness shining through his actions and it only turns him even more - knowing that Hokuto wants to claim him as his. 

Hokuto swallows him fully, sucking him in skillfully, and the heat from Hokuto’s mouth makes it feel like he’s on fire, every nerve on his body tingling, and he tugs at Hokuto’s hair when he hums around his cock. It earns him a low, rumbling groan and he curses at how Hokuto enjoys having his hair pulled because it’s going to bring him over the edge sooner than he’d like. 

He’s tempted to snap his hips, let his cock hit the back of Hokuto throat, knowing fully well how much of it that Hokuto can take - which is a lot, but he holds himself back, wanting to watch Hokuto for a little longer. Watch how his cock disappears into Hokuto’s mouth, cheeks hollowed from sucking him in, how his cheeks are painted with a slight, red flush, and watch his dark, mesmerizing eyes stare back at him, but he’ll save that for another day. He feels the familiar heat build up inside him, threatening to spill over any second, and he knows Hokuto can feel it too, from the way his length is twitching inside. 

Hokuto slides off him enough to lick at the tip, a string of saliva and precum connecting him with Taiga’s cock, and Taiga finds it weirdly hot, before he takes him in again, letting the shaft glide over his tongue, hitting the roof of his mouth, then the back of his throat again, and Taiga thinks he’ll pass out the moment Hokuto sucks him hard.

Someone shouts on the other side of the door, even pounds at the door but Taiga doesn’t give a fuck about them, having a hard time enough to focus on how incredibly good Hokuto’s mouth feels around his erection, how the tight heat makes him tune out from the world completely. The only sound he hears, aside from the intense thudding of his own heart, is the soft wet sounds of Hokuto’s mouth sliding over him.

Then, Hokuto uses his tongue again and it’s all too much of a sudden, he lets go of the parka, letting it fall down as Hokuto’s name roll off his lips, hips jerking and he lets go inside Hokuto, who holds his hips steady as he comes into his mouth, streaks of come hitting the back of his throat and he swallows it all. Hokuto continues to slowly bob his head through his orgasm, the sensations intensifying with each bob, and Taiga feels totally spent the moment Hokuto slides off him. The younger sits back, wiping his lips with his thumb before he swallows the last remains of Taiga’s release, looking at him all the time while doing so. 

Taiga feels his legs giving out on him, crumbling into a heap of bliss as Hokuto catches him before he hits the floor. He feels stunned, pleased, vulnerable, and invincible at the same time, even more so as Hokuto starts to rub gentle patterns on his skin, kissing the side of his head sweetly. 

“What about you?” 

Hokuto only shakes his head, and Taiga wonders why, frowning, because he’s sure that Hokuto hasn’t come yet. 

“I might, uhm, need to change more than just my shirt,” He confesses, slightly embarrassed, and Taiga only chuckles, a bit satisfied to know that he affects Hokuto the extent of not even needing to touch the other. 

Taiga climbs onto Hokuto properly, straddling him as he leans down to kiss him, deep and slow, pouring his heart into the kiss, because Hokuto is so much more than physical gratification. He holds Hokuto’s face tenderly as they exchange soft kisses, barely pressing their lips together when Juri suddenly barges inside. 

They have no idea how he managed to unlock the door, but he’s not faced with the state they’re in, not even raising an eyebrow at them, as he states his business. 

“Sakkun, Jesse, Shin, and Koji have started a bake-off, and I think you might want your kitchen, and the rest of the apartment intact.”

It gets them going, Taiga scrambles off Hokuto, picking up another pair of underwear to put on before he rushes after Juri. Hokuto is close behind to help him avoid a complete disaster happening. 

* * *

When most of the chaos is avoided and all utensils safely put back where they belong, they step outside on their balcony to take a breather. Taiga shuffles close to Hokuto, leaning his head on the other’s shoulder, letting his body relax. 

Hokuto finds his hand and intertwines their fingers, and they stand there in silence, listening to the rowdy bunch of friends they have in the background. 

It’d be nice if they could stay like this forever.


	11. November

It’s late November, skies dark and clouds threatening with rain and they finally have a day off together, which results in lazy cuddles together on the couch. 

Taiga is laying on top of Hokuto, almost nodding off as Hokuto plays with his hair absentmindedly, thinking of different ways to tell Taiga to not go. He wants Taiga to stay. 

He knows it’s stupid because Taiga won’t listen, and he shouldn’t, but Hokuto wants to be selfish. He wants to say his desires out loud, but he’s afraid that if he does, Taiga will listen and all he’s been working for will be in vain. 

They agreed on this together. Hokuto accepted it, thinking everything would be fine. It wouldn’t be a big deal, because a year passes by fast, and it indeed passes by fast, way too fast to Hokuto’s liking. 

One day he had to wrap his head around the fact that he and Taiga were dating, going from casual to shy kisses to meaningful ones, another day they were moving in together, and another they were the happiest ever.

Those days would be gone soon and they’d be darker than the evening sky right now. 

He holds Taiga closer, earning a sleepy, confused noise in return and when Taiga looks at him, he’s thrown back to the day they got together.

* * *

It’s late August when Taiga brings up the topic of him getting the chance to study abroad, as well as a big role in a musical, and that’s when it first hits Hokuto how Taiga won’t be there with them. By his side. But he doesn’t give it a second thought, because the group is more important.

He gets a bit upset about it, asking if he’s really thought about it and about the group. Of course, Taiga has. If they don’t agree with this, he won’t do it, even if he really wants to. Hokuto doesn’t quite agree with that mindset but he’s willing to discuss this further. If it’s for the group, it might be okay. 

He doesn’t think twice about himself and his own feelings, only feeling irritated at the fact Taiga doesn’t seem to care, that he seems to carefree about the matter.

They have meetings about the topic for weeks and all that time, Hokuto doesn’t know if he’s more irritated and upset about SixTONES getting split apart again or the fact that Taiga is leaving. He doesn’t know, or he doesn’t want to admit that it’s more of the former than the latter because SixTONES are strong, stronger than they’ve ever been before and he knows that they’ll get through this no matter what.

Taiga catches him after the meeting where they decided Taiga could go abroad. Hokuto had not been a happy camper about it but he knew that they would survive without him, even if he didn’t want to. 

The source of his irritation asks if they can talk in private and Hokuto is more than confused because they haven’t talked in private, them alone, properly for years, even if they’re more than civil with each other now. He briefly wonders if he’s going to pick a fight, try to make Hokuto feel better about the decision because he was the one who was most against it. If it was because of his personal feelings, he doesn’t know or doesn’t want to admit. 

What Taiga has to say shocks him.

“I’m in love with you,” Taiga says, looking straight at him. “I have been for years.”

At first, Hokuto thinks he’s joking but he then sees how Taiga is not wavering at all. He’s standing tall and determinedly waiting for a response. He doesn’t understand this at all, why is Taiga telling him this now? When it’s decided he’s going to go away? It doesn’t help his feelings at all. Not the slightest. 

He collects himself before lashing out, which he wants to because he thinks Taiga is being extremely selfish right now, but also because he would rather have continued living with the belief that Taiga didn’t care that much about him. Because he cares too. More than he’s willing to admit and it scares him. So much. 

“Why?” He croaks, voice caught in his throat, refusing to form proper words. Why do you love me? Why do you tell me this now? Why do you have to leave? There are so many why’s he wants to ask but can’t find the way to ask the right one.

Thankfully, Taiga understands. 

“I don’t want to go and leave anything unsaid. I don’t want to regret anything,” he says as he shrugs his shoulders. Hokuto suspects he’s prepared himself for this moment. “I don’t expect you to return my feelings or anything, I just wanted you to know.”

Hokuto nods, listening carefully to each word Taiga says, and back in his mind, he knows he won’t reject Taiga. There’s no way he would. He’s just not sure if he’s ready to let Taiga go later. He wants nothing but to sweep the older into his arms, embrace him until none of them can breathe properly and just swim in the other’s presence. 

“I do have a request, no matter what your response is,” Taiga says in a smaller voice before taking a deep breath and straightening himself. 

“I want us to live together until I leave.”

Taiga’s request hits him like a ton of bricks and it feels like the earth has swallowed him whole. He stares at the blond like he’s crazy - he must be, nobody in their right mind would request something like this, who would want to accept something ridiculous like that, living together - 

“Yes,” Hokuto says in a heartbeat, his internal crisis put on hold, his heart responding before he can think anything through. He doesn’t know what he’s saying yes to even. 

“I mean, yes, let’s do that, live together that is,” he struggles to form a coherent sentence but Taiga doesn’t seem to mind. The older shines bright as he’s relieved Hokuto agreed to it, confession long forgotten (or ignored), but Hokuto knows he has to address it sooner or later too. 

The way Taiga smiles tiredly at Hokuto before they part ways makes him almost call out to Taiga, letting him know how much he actually returns his feelings.

He knows it will be the best time of his life yet also the worst time living together with Taiga.

Later, he ends up admitting to Taiga that he might be feeling something for him too, that he’s willing to label their thing as dating. Because he really wants to, he really does but he also doesn’t want to get hurt. He also doesn’t want to hurt Taiga, but he doesn’t say that out loud. 

Taiga shines like the sun when he tells him that, a soft giggle escaping and Hokuto finds it extremely adorable. He knows Taiga has been waiting for him to say something.

He’s not fully honest with him because he doesn’t want to get too attached. He doesn’t want to get hurt later when Taiga leaves. He’s extremely afraid he’ll ruin both of them if he gets too attached, but he wants to give Taiga as much as he can. It’s selfish of him to let Taiga stay in the dark about it but the other takes it rather calmly.

Then, Taiga is the one who tells him to just be himself.

“I don’t have any expectations from you,” he admits, a sad smile sporting on his lips and Hokuto just wants to kiss it away, not wanting to see that kind of expression ever on Taiga but he holds himself back. “Be yourself, I won’t ask for anything you don’t want. You’ll be the one setting the boundaries. Promise me that you’ll only say anything if you mean it, really mean it, okay?“

“I promise,” Hokuto nods slowly, trying to take in what Taiga just said. He’s not quite sure what he’s promising Taiga even because if he was just slightly braver, he’d give Taiga everything. 

True to that, Hokuto is the one initiating everything in the early stages of their relationship.

He notices early on how Taiga holds himself back whenever they’re alone, even just a brush against each other makes Taiga take an extra step back. As if he’s afraid he’ll make Hokuto leave if they get any closer. It gets on his nerves until he stops Taiga in the hallway one day.

“If there’s anything you want, tell me,” Hokuto almost spits it out, not out of irritation but out of desperation. Desperation to make Taiga happy. “I can’t read your mind all the time.”

From then and on, Taiga starts to ask for small interactions. Holding his hand when they walk home together, checking up on him in-between rehearsals, soft kisses stolen between songs when they’re live, hugs when no one else is around and silent cuddling, playing with each other’s hair while watching movies when Taiga unofficially moves into Hokuto’s small apartment. 

Hokuto tries to pour as much love and affection in his actions as possible but he knows Taiga wants more. He will try his best to give him more (everything), try his best to let Taiga have everything he wants, but at the same time protect himself from falling too deep, get too attached, because he doesn’t want to burden Taiga with his love, his heavy and massive love.

They break the news of them dating to the others a few weeks before New Year’s and the others aren’t even surprised. Juri even wins their pot of betting money and Hokuto promptly sends them death glare because, how dare they bet on their relationship. He’s happy though, that they accept them. That there are no bad feelings anywhere. They wish them luck and Hokuto knows they will be there for him when Taiga leaves (he tries not to think about it).

January approaches fast and Taiga announces he found an apartment for the two of them just before his birthday. Hokuto had been very adamant on Taiga not getting them a fancy apartment despite wanting to. He also had a feeling he’d be living alone later in that apartment when Taiga leaves. Then there’s the actual moving in part and buying new furniture that is needed.

The coming year will not be easy. 

* * *

The memories of the beginning of it all make him feel like crying, eyes threatening to well up with tears as he holds Taiga closer, clinging onto him tightly as if he’d disappear right now. Out of reach. Away from Hokuto. And he’ll lose all this. Everything they have. Everything that they are.

He doesn’t want Taiga to leave. He doesn’t want to lose their mornings, fighting over the blankets and who gets to use the toilet first, or who takes out the trash. He doesn’t want to let go of Taiga. There are so many more things he wants them to do. A year is not enough. It will never be. He doesn’t want to wake up to cold bedsheets, only to know that there won’t be anyone warming them together with him later, nor does he want to do the laundry only to find there are only his clothes there. 

All the possible things he’ll do alone later come crashing down, like a tsunami of emotions and memories, because he’ll do them alone. He’ll do them without Taiga. Taiga won’t be there to say good morning, ask for breakfast, mix up the laundry detergents, get distracted on the balcony, sneak in extra bags of tomatoes when they go grocery shopping, and.. and he won’t be by Hokuto’s side at all.

Then, he feels Taiga’s fingers on his face and he realizes he’s crying. He doesn’t know when it happened but he’s crying and it doesn’t stop at all. It’s like everything is overflowing and not even Taiga’s soothing voice can make it stop, it only makes it worse. 

He wants it all to stop, he doesn’t want it to hurt like this. He never wanted to feel like this. He was never supposed to fall so deep he couldn’t get out. He was never supposed to get this attached. 

All the things he planned went down the drain, all because of Taiga. 

Taiga moved into his heart when he least expected it and he never left. He supposes he never left all these years. He’s always been there but Hokuto has refused to admit it. To him, the possibility of them being happy together never occurred to him, until they started to live together. 

He knows, he fucking knows that Taiga never asked for more than he could get, even if he wanted it. Taiga was always waiting for Hokuto. Always. 

It doesn’t dawn upon him until now when there’s just a few months left until Taiga leaves. 

He doesn’t want to let Taiga go. Everything be damned, he doesn’t want Taiga to go. He’ll throw everything else under the bus if it means Taiga gets to stay, even if he knows that Taiga doesn’t want that. It hurts. Everything hurts because he regrets everything.

He regrets agreeing to live together. Regrets letting Taiga break down all his walls. Regrets allowing Taiga to love him. He regrets it all. 

When Taiga leans down to kiss him gently, the tears keep on coming, and he almost wants to throw himself away from Taiga. Away from the source of his pain. 

But Taiga makes him feel whole. He kisses away the tears, he kisses away the pain and the anger. The lips he’s gotten to know so intimately over the year. The lips he thought he’d never taste again after their early years. The lips that bring oxygen to his life in the form of kisses. 

All his thoughts make him angry at himself. How dare he think that when Taiga is in front of him, doing his best to make him feel better, console him, and soothe his feelings. How dare he be selfish and protect himself, and himself only. 

Taiga deserves so much more than his broken being right now. He wants to be strong, show Taiga that he’ll be okay. They will be okay. 

It’s inevitable, he knows that. Taiga is going to go. No matter what Hokuto says, Taiga is still going to leave. 

He knows Taiga is not leaving him, them, but it feels like it. As if the whole year was for naught. As if he didn’t do good enough. He wants the chance to prove that it could all be so much better, that if Taiga is going to leave, he better regret leaving Hokuto too. 

But he knows. He knows that out of everyone, this hurts Taiga the most. Because Taiga has always been in love with Hokuto and shamelessly acted on it. Something Hokuto would never have done. Out of the two of them, Taiga is the braver one.

He’s hurting so much, regretting everything but still, Taiga is worth it all.

“I love you,” he croaks out in-between sobs, voice giving up on him, barely a hoarse whisper, but he knows Taiga can hear him. “I love you so much I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to hurt, everything hurts, I don’t want you to leave, I don’t want to be alone again, I want you here. With me. To stay with me. Where you belong.”

Their eyes meet and Taiga’s eyes are as red as Hokuto’s by now, crying as well because it breaks him to see the one he loves so weak, so fragile and broken down, and it’s all it takes for Hokuto to know, really know.

Taiga has dealt with all this all the time. Ever since he confessed. But he’s still happy. He’s happy for things he’s gotten, never asking for more because it’s been up to Hokuto where to draw the line.

He could have given Taiga so much more, he could have given him everything, made him the happiest person ever, given him everything he’d asked for, but Taiga never did anything. He waited for Hokuto. 

And Hokuto feels like a fool for not giving Taiga what he deserved. 

“I was happy,” Taiga whispers to him, a small smile spread on his lips as he speaks, their foreheads touching, then shaking his head, correcting himself. “I  _ am _ happy. I don’t regret a thing.”

The words hit deep inside Hokuto and it only makes him want Taiga to stay even more. He knows Taiga also feels some kind of regret, but the difference is that Taiga has accepted it all. He has admitted to himself that this is how it’ll be. 

Hokuto hasn’t.

He wants Taiga to know that he’s sorry for being so late - late to love him, late to hold him, late to accept him. 

Taiga simply shakes his head, kisses Hokuto gently again, doing his best to distract Hokuto from all thoughts except Taiga. 

No more words are needed. There’s only one thing Hokuto wants to say.

_ Don’t go. _


	12. December

December rolls around the corner, and for the first time in a few years, it seems like the snow is going to last for the whole winter. The days grow colder by every day that passes, and Taiga is visibly happy about it. His birthday is in a few days, he’s going to turn one year older, but instead of sulking over the fact time flies, he looks back at the previous year and what has happened, and he feels quite good about it all. He doesn’t regret a thing. It’s been amazing, to say the least.

Hokuto has promised him to cook for him on his birthday, something he looks forward to because the younger has become quite skilled when it comes to preparing all the food he likes, and it tugs at his heart how much time Hokuto has spent in the kitchen, just for him.

He doesn’t wish for anything else, he doesn’t need anything for his birthday, even if he knows that his friends will bombard him with useless, but thoughtful, gifts. He’s grateful for that, but the thing he wants for his birthday is Hokuto. In all the ways possible.

They don’t have to do anything fancy, anything special or celebrate it extensively, he just wants to spend his birthday with Hokuto. If that means they’ll laze around on the couch watching stupid animal documentaries or re-runs of any Arashi member drama or rearrange their cupboards by color, then so be it. He wants every coming day to be filled with as much Hokuto as possible. He’s even told the younger about it, trying to persuade him to not overdo anything, but Hokuto insisted on doing something for Taiga at least, and food was the easiest way out of the argument.

So when he comes home on the day of his birthday, he's greeted by Hokuto by the door, who gives him a chaste kiss before he even can step inside the apartment. 

"Welcome home," Hokuto says, taking Taiga's bag from him as he stepped out of his shoes. "How was work?"

"I know it's my birthday, but I didn't know I wished for a housewife?" He smirks as he says it, watching how Hokuto's face falls into a "can’t be helped" expression before playing along. 

"The master of the household has requested me to assist you until he returns," Hokuto bows so gracefully in front of Taiga, that he can't help but laugh at the other. "How may I serve you?"

He throws his scarf at Hokuto, making the other laugh heartily, voice so light and airy, and eyes disappearing into half-moons, and his birthday already feels complete. If he could watch Hokuto be happy for the rest of his life, it would be enough. 

They drop the act as Taiga walks to the bathroom to wash his hands, the fresh scent of citrus that welcomes him, makes him smile and he sees the little lemon plant nicely placed in-between their sinks. 

"Did you buy new plants?" 

"Mhmm, they were looking so sad and alone in the store so I had to," Hokuto replies, leaning on the doorframe, watching Taiga with a small smile. "The sad little lemon tree begged me to take him home, then there's another new pair on the balcony." 

"It looks nice, it's fresh," Taiga smiles back, drying his hands off. Their plants have turned into their babies and dear members of the household, and while Hokuto is usually the one who waters them, Taiga is the one who tends the plants and talks to them. He finds it’s relaxing to sit down at the balcony, stare at their plants, and hold conversations about nothing and everything. They probably know more about himself than anyone else does.

Hokuto hums absentmindedly as he shuffles his way over to Taiga, perfectly fitting beside him as he fiddles with a leaf on their new plant. Taiga watches Hokuto closely for a moment before they lean in at the same time and bump shoulders with each other. They giggle, feeling ridiculous but relaxed at the same time, and Taiga leans his head on Hokuto's shoulder as he looks at the lemon plant. 

"Did you name it yet?" 

“Nope,” Hokuto shakes his head, soft locks flying over his eyes, and Taiga thinks it's adorable, giving in to the temptation of reaching up to run his fingers through it. 

"I think we should name it Shoppi, it looks like him, it got a mole right there," He says but he's pretty sure Hokuto isn't listening anymore, too focused on enjoying Taiga's fingers, almost purring already. 

"Whatever you want," Hokuto leans into his touch, nestling his way closer, rubbing his nose against Taiga's cheek as he pulls on Taiga's elbow to bring him into an embrace. 

Hokuto nudges his face with his nose, tilting his head so Taiga can bring their lips together. He feels the gentle tug on his hair as Taiga nibbles on his lips, playing with them until he puts pressure back, returning the favor and holding him steady by the waist. 

They exchange kisses, sweet and chaste until he's tugging Hokuto closer, holding him firmer and kisses more passionate. The younger follows his lead with ease, opening his mouth to give him better access, and lets out a low moan when Taiga deepens the kiss.

It's not rushed or desperate, nothing heated and driven by arousal. He just wants to feel more of Hokuto, taste more of him, and claim more of him. He's missed him all day, missed hearing his laugh in the back, missed smelling his shampoo after showering, missed hearing his familiar dance steps on the floor. He just missed Hokuto.

He wants to recharge, fill himself with Hokuto again, so much he won't ever want to leave, because he'll drain the moment they separate.

Hokuto tugs him closer, arm tightening around his waist, leaning his body against the sink, and Taiga can feel the growing hardness through Hokuto's loose pants when their legs tangle together and thighs pressing into each other. 

It gets him excited, shudders running down his body, an idea forming in his head, and he sneaks his hand between them, palming Hokuto and feels the outline of his quickly hardening shaft, smiling into the kiss because of how easily affected Hokuto is. He finds it quite endearing and hot at the same time because it's him who makes Hokuto feel like this. 

"Tai," Hokuto stutters between kisses, out of breath already, eyes hazy with arousal, and Taiga knows what's coming next, and ignores it. 

He slips one hand inside Hokuto's pants, skillfully wrapping a hand around his cock, and strokes it slowly, keeping his hold firm on it, before he pulls it out enough to free it from it's clothed prison. It's leaking already, so hard and fitting exceptionally well in his hand. 

It doesn’t take long until Hokuto clings to him, falling apart completely, as he continues to stroke him. They should probably have moved to the bedroom or the couch, but they have a fully functioning bathroom, big enough for the both of them to move freely in, and he kinda wants to feel Hokuto, now. 

He leans in by Hokuto’s ear, a smile decorating his lips when he whispers about what he wants Hokuto to do to him later, hoping that Hokuto can fulfill his birthday wishes of a long and slow evening together. 

When Hokuto falls over the edge, a short breath leaving his lips as a warning, Taiga makes sure he strokes him through every wave of his orgasm, watching with hungry eyes how Hokuto spills his release over his hand, some staining his t-shirt and the floor. They’ll clean that up later. 

He brings his wet fingers up to his mouth to clean them off, fully aware of how Hokuto watches him licking every finger clean before pulling him closer to kiss him deeply again, not minding tasting himself in Taiga's mouth at all.

They at least manage to move to the couch before Taiga's clothes got discarded and Hokuto's mouth wandered all over him, aiming to give his boyfriend the best birthday present ever - forgetting about the rest of the world and focusing on each other only. 

The food Hokuto prepared for them stayed forgotten until later that night but Taiga is more than satisfied with how his birthday turned out, especially when he sits by the kitchen island, swinging his legs, late at night watching Hokuto from behind heating up the food for the two of them. Doing all this shirtless under his black apron, and Taiga admits to himself that it’s hot. Hokuto is hot in just an apron, and he’ll never say it out loud to anyone. It doesn’t stop him from admiring the way his skin on the back is scattered with red, faint marks from their previous round of lovemaking, and he’s tempted to go up to him, lean in and kiss his skin again, mark it even more so the world could see who he belongs to. But he won’t because all this, they, their apartment, their days and nights, their life - it’s all his and he shares it with Hokuto. 

Home is where the heart is, and Taiga’s heart is Hokuto.

* * *

When Christmas comes running at them at full speed, they’re soon neck-deep with preparations for Taiga’s departure. It’s barely a month away now and Hokuto is probably more stressed than he is. He’s seen the younger run around their apartment from time to time when there’s been nothing to do, double-checking random things, asking him if he’s planning to bring this or that, acting as if it’s a precaution, to make sure he’s not suddenly left without anything he needs. The pink mug soon disappears from the cupboard, leaving its match alone, bathrobe slinking into suitcase too soon, Hokuto’s own feeling alone on the wall.

Slowly, the apartment feels emptier by each day that passes, things leaving their rightful place.

Taiga knows, however, that it’s all an act. A crappy one for being Matsumura Hokuto. He knows exactly how Hokuto feels right now, how all he wants is to pull Taiga into a tight embrace, tell him to not go, fingernails digging into his skin from how hard he’s holding him, voice low, cracking, and eyes threatening to water. He knows it all too well because it’s exactly the same he wants. 

It hurts to watch Hokuto walk out of the front door in the mornings he has to leave earlier, even if he’s the one walking out that door soon. Even if he’s the one who will leave. 

There are times when he’s alone, when he’s out on the balcony, wrapped in a blanket, that he thinks about his decisions. Did he choose the right path? Did he really think this through? There are so many thoughts, so many what if’s, so many things he should have done, could have done, but never did. He knows that deep inside, he doesn’t regret a thing. 

He just doesn’t know if the future he’s seeing right now is the same future he saw a year ago.

Of course, he knows that things change and he can’t control what happens in life, but right now, he wants to take everything back and don’t go. He knows that if he never decided on going abroad, he would never have confessed, never requested to move in together, and they would still be what they were a year ago - friends, acquaintances, groupmates, whatever they were back then (he doesn’t remember how it was anymore, the current them taking over too much), and what they have right now… It would never have existed.

He scrambles down on his knees, rummaging through his bag for his notebook, flipping through the pages, searching for that page. The page that changed his whole mindset about it all. 

_ I’ll always wait. _

It’s circled with another pen than he usually uses and he doesn’t remember marking it, so it could only mean one thing.

Hokuto.

Hokuto is the only one who has free access to his lyrical notebook, the only one who gets to read the lines he writes down, pours out directly from his heart and soul, the only one who gets to see the rawest and most barren side of him. 

When he first noticed it, he broke down crying, dropping the notebook on the floor, alerting the others around him, and he tried to assure them that he was fine, even if he wasn’t. 

It was the first time he ever considered staying. 

He caresses the words, feeling the rough paper under his fingertips, the difference between the inks barely noticeable but he can feel it. He can feel how Hokuto opens the notebook when Taiga is away, gently reading every line with care, until he reads this line, and stops. Then picking up a pen to circle it, carefully and full of meaning.

Hokuto doesn’t deserve to wait. Hokuto deserves everything he can’t give him if he leaves. 

He always knew it would be hard to dive into a relationship right before leaving. He  _ knew  _ but it didn’t stop him from doing so nonetheless. Hokuto’s as much of a fool as he is for agreeing, for opening up, letting Taiga in, letting Taiga plant himself and grow. 

They’re both stupid. 

He’s come to a point where it doesn’t matter what he does. No matter what he chooses to do, something will hurt. He’ll regret something. His hands are both holding onto the most important things in his life and he’s forced to choose between them.

Hokuto will wait. 

It doesn’t help. It doesn’t make him feel any better about his decision to leave. He doesn’t want Hokuto to wait. He also doesn’t want Hokuto to let go of him either. He’s so torn between everything, feeling hopeless and void of any light. Everything feels so heavy. Too heavy to shoulder on his own.

* * *

When they announce his departure during the Johnny’s Countdown concert, they’re met with split reactions, as they predicted. It’s hard to keep a straight face on stage, almost cracking during one of the songs they do, but he got the others beside him - he got Hokuto.

He gets pulled behind a rack of clothes backstage when they get off the stage, right before the medley, there’s actually no time for anything but Hokuto doesn’t care. He hugs him close and it takes everything in Taiga’s power to not break down right here. Hokuto whispers sweet nothings into his ear, barely audible over the sound from the stage but it is things he wants to hear, things he doesn’t care about, things he doesn’t even hear, but it’s Hokuto’s voice and it makes him feel whole. He can feel the warmth from Hokuto, the usual performance warmth, but also the warmth only Hokuto gives him. The special warmth that always tells him it’s going to be alright. He doesn’t want Hokuto to let him go, they should just stay hidden behind these clothes until it’s over, but he knows that the show must go on, and he doesn’t want to scare any unknowing junior to death (even if they’re of age), so they part ways. Hokuto kisses him briefly before they get ready to go up on stage again.

It’s too short, the contact, he wants to take a hold of Hokuto, stay connected, and feel grounded - to feel safe and calm. But the stage lights and the cheering audience do not wait. They do not care about his desires. He has to go out there and face the world again. 

Soon, he’ll enter a stage alone. 

A stage where he’ll stand on his own, no one to rely on, no one to turn to, no one to catch him when he falls. He’ll be alone, watching his shadow overlap with itself, see himself reflected in his own eyes, listen to his voice reverberate in his ears. 

It’s why he looks down when he enters the stage when they walk out, burning the sight into his eyes - the sight of the six of them together, walking forward. 

It gives him the strength to believe it’ll be alright. 

* * *

When they arrive back home, exhausted but adrenaline still running high after the countdown and shrine visit, it doesn’t take him long before he grabs at Hokuto, pulling him into a tight embrace from behind. 

He breathes in, lungs threatening to give up, heart traveling up his throat, and his hands crumple the fabric of Hokuto’s clothes.

_ It’s alright. Everything is alright. We’re still here. We still have time.  _

Hokuto doesn’t say anything, he just listens to Taiga as he tries to calm himself down. He brings his hands up to cover Taiga’s, gently caressing them, each stroke only making him cling onto him tighter, to keep feeling it. It gathers in his chest, all the feelings he’s been holding back, all the thoughts. 

He doesn’t want to go to bed yet, he doesn’t want to wake up and face the reality that is him leaving. Even if he wakes up beside Hokuto, even if they still have time, even if it’s just another day - he still doesn’t want the time to pass. 

_ Let’s go back, let’s turn back time, let’s stay.  _

There are so many things he wants to say, to explain, to scream, but none of it wants to be put in words or actions. 

Second by second pass by, the clock is ticking, counting down until the day everything he knows by heart will be a distant memory. Until now, he’s been counting the days they’ve spent together, one by one adding another day to their time together, single numbers, double numbers, triple numbers. Seconds to minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to months, months to years. But now, everything is going in reverse. 

“Tai, what’s wrong?” Hokuto whispers as he turns around in his embrace, reaching up to cup his face, tilting it enough to look into his eyes. He doesn’t want Hokuto to see him like this - see him this broken, this confused, this lost but he can’t escape it. He can’t hold it back anymore.

Just like a released arrow from its bow, his tears start to well up, freely running down his cheeks. Hokuto looks alarmed at the sudden burst of emotions, panicking for one second before he wraps his arms around him, holding him in a bone-crushing hug.

_ Tighter, tighter, tighter.  _

“What’s wrong?”

He doesn’t deserve the love Hokuto is giving him. Hokuto doesn’t deserve the pain he’s causing him. 

Hokuto loves him, and he loves Hokuto, and it’s why it’s so hard to make the right decision. They talked about it before when Hokuto broke down, they talked like they’ve never talked. He remembers it so clearly, the way Hokuto admitted how he doesn’t want Taiga to go. How Hokuto had the courage to be the first one of them to voice what they both were feeling. But he also remembers how he never said it out loud back then.

"I wish you could come with me," Taiga whispers between sobs, breath stuttering, and trying to find a way to breathe properly but every breath makes it harder, making him sob again. 

He hasn’t thought about it before like this, hasn’t dared to, because he knew he’d end up like this. Wishing for it all to be different. He chose this path, he doesn’t want to stray off it, he doesn’t want to let go of it.

But.

Hokuto.

He doesn’t want to let go of him either. They don’t have to break up, but the distance will kill them. The distance will tear them apart, not only physically but mentally. It’s not that he doesn’t trust them to stay together, it’s not that. They’re going to long for each other to the point of insanity and it’s not going to be healthy, and neither of them is going to be able to focus on their job. 

It’s an extreme feeling of hopelessness he feels when he thinks of being apart from Hokuto. He’s grown to feel at ease with Hokuto, grown to integrate him in his daily life, not just as his boyfriend, his groupmate, a friend, a soulmate, a partner, it’s something bigger than life that he can’t explain. Going on with his days without being able to touch him, feel him or be in contact with him, kills him inside, leaves him empty and without a soul.

He had hoped he’d be able to lay his feelings to rest with this year together, hoping that they’ll calm down from the raging storm they’ve been the past years. He never thought he’d fall even deeper, grow more attached, to find more things he loves about Hokuto. Least of all, he never thought Hokuto would love him back the same, or even more.

He had told himself he’d be fine with whatever. He never expected this.

But there’s no regret. 

Despite the turmoil he feels, he doesn’t regret a thing. There’s nothing he’d change if he could. All their ups and downs, all their memories, arguments, shared kisses on the balcony, messy dinner times, lazy movie nights, and passionate nights in bed, they’re all things he would never exchange for anything. 

"I’ll come with you," Hokuto breathes, voice borderline desperate and pleading. "I’ll hand in my documents tomorrow, it’s a great chance for me to study more English as well — "

"You can’t just leave everything here!" Taiga shouts back at him, even if he wants Hokuto to go with him, but he can’t. He has everything here that is promising him a glorious year ahead, projects that will keep him busy while he’s away. "You have so many projects coming up, you can’t abandon them, and what about the group? Johnny’s doesn’t need another group of four! It’s enough that I’m pulling an Akanishi on you all! Your whole life — "

"But you’re not here!"

It hits Taiga like a ton of bricks, really hits him, more than the time back in November, that Hokuto feels exactly the same as him. Neither of them wants this to end. Neither of them wants Taiga to leave.

It’s inevitable but he wishes there was some way he could make it all work. If he could go and do his year abroad and also have Hokuto by his side. Have his group nearby and promote things as usual, or goof around as usual. Be able to wake up every morning to Hokuto by his side, or the familiar smell of breakfast whenever the other gets up first. Sharing that silent moment when the first rays of sunlight crawl into their apartment, marking another day in the making. Laying side by side at night, noses barely touching, whispering silly stories to each other, only to end up touching each other so carefully, afraid they’ll break the other. 

For the first time, he regrets his decision. 

Not because he doesn’t want it, but because he wants something more. A stronger desire. 

And that is to have Hokuto by his side.

"I don’t have to go," he whispers, not believing he’s saying it but he needs to say it. He needs to let Hokuto know that he’s considering it - for real for the first time. "I can stay, there’s no need for me to go, I can just —"

"Don’t," Hokuto’s voice is low, seething with something Taiga can’t place because it’s not anger or disappointment. It’s something else, something he knows he should name but can’t. 

"But why?"

"That should be my line! Don’t take it back. I should be asking you why you’re even thinking of staying!" Hokuto looks just as wrecked as Taiga feels, hair still messy from when they were out, skin flushed because of his frustration. "I don’t want to be the reason you regret this chance."

Hokuto is right, he knows that, but he also thinks Hokuto is stupid for even thinking he’s considering it for Hokuto. It’s not a lie, but it’s not quite the truth either. 

He’s doing it for himself because he’s selfish. He’s always been selfish in a way, always put himself before others without even noticing it, and this time is no exception. He’s doing it for himself, he’s considering not going abroad because it’ll destroy him, despite being the biggest chance to build him up, because the only thing that’ll keep him grounded is Hokuto. 

"I would never regret it, not when it comes to you," he says, repeating Hokuto’s words from June, and it’s all true. If he went through with this decision, he would never regret it because it’s Hokuto. 

It looks like Hokuto wants to say something more, to argue with him more, tell him off and tell him that he’s stupid for even bringing this up. He knows what they both want, and it would be so easy to make it happen. 

But then, everything would be for naught. 

“I will never regret us,” he says, and he knows Hokuto gets it. It’s no longer just his own decision anymore. 

They won’t make any decisions tonight, but they are aware that whatever they’ll decide on, they’re okay. It’s alright. There’s still time. 

They’ll be okay.


	13. March

> _ “...advises Japanese citizens to avoid all international travel due to the global impact of COVID-19.” _

The sound of the news on the screen lingers as the remote controller is put down on the table beside the heap of newspaper, headlines covering the pages with the recent turn of events, blankets left messy on the couch as it’s left empty for the time being. 

The two warm spots left to cool down as the jackets on the hangers leave their place, keys jingle when they get picked up, wallets put inside pockets, and shoes getting put on, only to be taken off to shuffle to the kitchen to pick up the forgotten grocery store list and a shopping bag. Almost tripping over scattered sheets of notes, the melody still echoing in the air, still unfinished but every note is a step toward completion. 

The shadows turning into one once again when the door closes, leaving the apartment empty but not silent. It’s waiting for them to return, back to warm white walls, gentle light, and secure doors. A drop of water falls from the tap, hitting the bottom of the sink, right in between a pair of used mugs. One black, and one pink.


End file.
